My fiancé and I have been together for four years. We started out hot and heavy, but our sex life fell off a cliff sometime in the second year. I truly did not mind because we were taking care of each other in all the other ways.
Now we are at different colleges, and my libido has gone into overdrive like it’s making up lost time. I have a close guy friend (who I see as ONLY THAT, a friend) and he’s one of the only men I actually spend time with outside of school. The problem is when he touches any part of me (hug, consoling pats, small brushes when sitting next to each other when the friend group is squished together) I feel like I’m on fire and have to break off contact ASAP, or else I feel like I’m being untrue to my fiancé.
I’ve talked to my fiancé about my increased libido, and he thinks it’s great for him, but I only see him once every other month, and my body is screaming at me to ravish my friend. I’ve never dealt with this before; I’ve always been transient between men and quelled my needs.
How do I deal with this without losing my mind and throwing away my fantastic relationship, or ruining the friend group I have now?
Relationship troubles? You need Osher Günsberg’s love advice. (Post continues after audio.)
There are some red flags here. You need to pay attention to what your gut (vis à vis your libido) is trying to tell you.
Yes, long-distance relationships can be challenging. It’s not uncommon to feel unsatisfied. But, it sounds like some of your relationship ennui started before the distance.
Now, number one, don’t act on this temptation.
When we cheat, not only do we harm others, we rob ourselves of clarity, because the inherent betrayal involved in cheating muddies everything, including our real feelings.
Sometimes, the guilt of cheating can trick us into putting our shaky relationship on a pedestal. Conversely, it’s easy to impose faux feelings on someone who represents newness and excitement and a lack of emotional baggage.
What you do need to do is spend some time getting clear on what you want. I don’t mean do you want fiancé or friend. I mean: what do you want out of a partnership? I am assuming that you are young (in your 20s), as you mentioned that you are now at different colleges.