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"My in-laws want to visit my son and I don't want them to."

Before you judge me, hear me out.

“My 4-year-old son’s grandparents want to come visit him for the first time, and I’m not sure if I should let them.”

The above was posted to Reddit by a user who goes by the name asaou.

Before you start raging about all grandparents having the right to see their grandchildren you need to hear this man’s story, and then you can offer advice. Because ultimately, that’s was he is asking for.

‘asaou’ is a single father, and his wife has never been in the picture. He explains that his son’s mother died during childbirth and says, “it’s always just been me and him.”

It had always just been him and I.

He goes on to explain that his deceased wife's parents have been diagnosed as narcissists and were cut out of his life when she was pregnant because of the stress they caused her. He explains that they called her a 'slut' over the phone for getting pregnant at 20 and then denied they'd ever said it and would start talking about everything they were going to do with their next grandchild.

He writes that they'd verbally and emotionally abuse his deceased wife for hours when she was a child and she told him that they treated her like a dress-up doll.

"My own parents have looked after my son before, and he knows what ‘normal’ grandparents are meant to be like – but he’s never met anybody from his mother’s side of the family, and I think it might be getting to him a bit, because he often looks through our photo albums and he especially likes to look at his mother's baby photos," asaou wrote.

Recently his in-laws called him and demanded they see their grandson. He doesn't even know how his in-laws got a contact number. He initially refused and told them he wants them nowhere near his child so they don't treat him like they treated their own daughter. He told them his wife would've wanted the same. Apparently they then "flipped their shit".

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Since hanging up from the phone call he's been getting two calls an hour from them.

They kept calling.

"I know that they’re bad people, and I know that my wife would never want our child to meet them if she could help it, but I’m somewhat torn – he’s never met anybody from his mother’s side of the family, and I feel like it isn’t really fair to him," he wrote.

"I’ve asked my own parents about this, and they say to go and 'forgive' them – but that's because they come from a very respectful culture where grandparents and children are expected to be rather close, I find it hard to believe that their advice comes from a place of care and not that they just want to uphold tradition."

"I'm genuinely torn on what to do...Should I let my son meet his narcissistic grandparents? Or should I hope that pictures of my wife are enough and change my number again?"

The responses were overwhelmingly concerned for the father and (mainly) his son's welfare. Most sounded like this one from polkapiggy:

This is coming from the perspective of someone who has never met anyone on one side of my family because they are all abusive assholes.

DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR SON. You probably feel like you're creating a "hole" in his life by not letting him have two sets of grandparents. You are not. That void will be filled a thousand times over by the love of your family and it is not worth risking the abuse of her parents. The effects of abuse are life long and you know you cannot trust them. Your wife would never have wanted this and you know that, she knew her parents better than anyone and she knew they weren't suitable people to have around your son.

Block their phone number and if they keep calling report them to the police for harassment.

And this from Lyneth:

It only takes one comment from the narc grandparents...one mean, nasty remark...that could potentially damage your son very deeply.

"Your mommy didn't love you" "Your mommy was a horrible slut"...anything like that comes out of their mouths could really hurt your child. And it's very likely they will say something like this to your son. Why? Cause they did to their own child, already.

Protect your child from these monsters.

And this from arwMummy:

I get that you are interested in connecting him with his mother's family but her parents are NOT the right people. Did she have any siblings she was close to? Aunts? Grandparents? What about a favorite teacher, neighbor or best friend? These people can help connect your son to parts of their mother you may have never known- funny stories from when she was a child, or things he does that are just like her mannerisms at that age, etc. I'm sure what you want is for him to have a multifaceted connection to her. You can find that without letting his abusive grandparents in. She didn't want that when she was alive, and I'm sure you can answer if she would want that for him now. There are other people that loved your wife. Find them.

The answers continue on this line of response - a resounding, do not let your in-laws meet their grandchild.

What do you think should he allow them to see their grandson or not?

Want more? Try:

"Women share the craziest thing their mother-in-law has said to them."

"Is it normal that...I won't let my mother-in-law babysit our kids?"