Ah Father’s Day. Your timing never varies and yet we always wind up digging through jean pockets and hitting up mum for a loaner (“but you love him too!”). We’ve been desperate in the past and done some shonky gifting, so to help you along, here are five things you shouldn’t gift this Father’s Day. Really, please don’t.
He played a role in your creation, and boy, isn’t the miracle of life just wonderful? This gift usually involves an invitation to dinner with the family during which you perform the equivalent of a ‘dine and dash’ i.e. you come, you eat, you skip out during present time. Next time, we recommend rocking up to the ‘rents with a nice bottle of red (we like the Penfolds Bin 407 Cabernet Sauvignon 2010). It tends to go down a little smoother.
Love counts as a gift right? Image: Giphy.com
Socks, undies et al.
The argument for this boils down to “well, he has feet doesn’t he?” but the argument against goes a little deeper. While a new pair of knickers is sure to please, something a little more thoughtful and less ‘I grabbed this from the bargain bin’ will show some love to the poor man who had a role in toilet training you.
The gag gift.
While a joke apron is all well and good, we’re yet to find a man who needs three or four – yes even the one with a woman in a bikini. Honourable mentions go to anything themed around bathrooms or flatulence and neckties with anything other than stripes or spots (but not Big Mouth Billy Bass, ‘cause that thing’s practically an institution).
Big Mouth Billy Bass aka a true hero. Image: Wikipedia Commons.
Something he already owns (also known as ‘The Skint Man’s Grift’).
To be fair, this gift, grabbed from his bookshelf or sock drawer, usually involves wrapping – aka a disguise – so we can’t bear too much of a grudge against it. This option is usually taken up by those who did the ‘gift of your presence’ thing last year and, despite having all year to plan and improve, have coasted. Truth time: the likelihood of getting caught tends to outweigh all other motivations, so what are you doing? Head down to Dan Murphy’s and pick up a gift dad deserves.