Last week we published a personal story by a woman who had an abortion. It generated hundreds of comments. You can read Penny’s story here. The reactions of our readers were varied, but almost all were reflective, personal and in some cases very profound. We tend to only hear two sides to this debate – but here, you’ll hear 14 very different reactions to one woman’s story about abortion…
By PENNY WILSON
1. The Christian pro-life view.
“Life is a gift from God and it is not our right to take it. We take precautions because we can control our family size.” (The author of this comment also said she didn’t believe in IVF or euthanasia).
2. The women who had abortions and didnt regret it.
“I had an abortion in my mid forties.I had grown up children. My husband was starting to talk about transition to retirement. To say I was shocked was an understatement. I chose abortion. No guilt. No regret.”
Another wrote: “When I had my abortion.…I could have easily worked it out. I was 28, I had a decent job, I was not in a serious relationship with the guy, but he had money and would have supported us. So why didn’t I keep the pregnancy? Because I don’t want be a mother. Simple as that. I have no desire to be a mother. I don’t enjoy small children. It would have given me a different type of lifestyle, one I didn’t want. I have absolutely no desire to be pregnant and need to break my career to birth a child to give away. Giving birth is my worst nightmare. Not everyone wants children. Not everyone wants to be pregnant and hand it over to someone else to raise. And that’s OK.”
3. The woman who didn’t have an abortion and regretted it.
“I regret not having an abortion every day. Having my child ruined my life. No social life, ruined my relationship, trapped me in a dead end job, depleted my savings, I don’t enjoy parenting her, she’s a difficult, shrieky and high needs child and I honestly wish I had an abortion. Don’t buy the ‘sunshine and huggies commercials’ rhetoric guys. Don’t do it.”
4. The woman who had an abortion and regretted it.
“I always felt I was coerced into having an abortion when I was 18. My mum told me I would ruin my life, my boyfriend then (& now husband) told me he didn’t want me to be the mother of his children and that he would leave me if I had our baby. I was completely deserted and had no support from anyone. I was then told that if I couldn’t have a baby without support from anyone then I shouldn’t be having a baby in the first place. I still don’t think I’ve forgiven myself for not being strong enough to do it by myself. I’m even more sad because I’ve been diagnosed with medically unexplained infertility. I said at the time I was pregnant ‘what happens if I can never fall pregnant again?’. Well now I’m living that life. I have a lot of self-acceptance soul searching to do.”
Another wrote: ” I have a friend who I supported through having an abortion and I know that when some years later she got married and miscarried her next pregnancy, she blamed herself, as if that was some sort of punishment for having an abortion.
5. A woman who can’t have kids herself but is still pro-choice.
“I desperately wanted children. We spent several years going through IVF because we wanted to become parents, and because so many odds were stacked against us. Friends would try to shield me from hearing about anyone who had abortions as I found it so hard to get pregnant, until I said “I commend that person!” glad you know what’s right for you and don’t just bring a child into the world cause you feel you HAVE to. You haven’t used it as an excuse to never work again and you haven’t ruined a childs life by bringing them into a world that has too many uncertainties, you are actually a more responsible person and I think you are amazing.”
Top Comments
I am 20 and pregnant and I thought about an abortion but will not be getting one. I think I am prochoice. I think that each woman needs to weigh the pros and cons for herself and decide what she really wants to do. I don't think women should get abortions for the wrong reasons. If her boyfriend/parents/friends want her to get an abortion, but deep down she feels like she doesn't want it, then she shouldn't get it. It doesn't matter if she's ready or not to raise a baby. What matters is whether she feels comfortable getting the abortion. It doesn't matter what finances/situations women find themselves in while pregnant. Whether they are poor, rich, 16, 40, in college, already have 10 kids, work minimum wage, etc, each woman needs to decide for herself whether she feels okay with getting an abortion. Doesn't matter what her circumstances are.She should look deep within herself for an answer. I was pressured by everyone into an abortion and was this close to getting one, but deep down I knew that was not the right choice for me and that I would never be okay with it. So I am choosing not to get an abortion. But other women feel that an abortion is the right choice for them, and it's up to them what they do with their bodies. I just feel bad for women who get abortions because other people pressure them into it.
I was 18 when I decided to terminate my pregnancy.
In a far-from-perfect relationship with an emotional abuser and I was working two part-time jobs and living out of home, away from my parents.
My boyfriend (at the time) and I initially wanted to continue the pregnancy, but then reality smacked me in the face. I was in no position to become a mother. I wasn't ready mentally, emotionally and had zero financial stability.
So I made a decision, along with the support of my parents, who I had mended my relationship with to book in and I had a termination three weeks later.
Now? Fast-forward almost 10 years. I'm happily married, with three beautiful children.
Do I regret my termination? Not all the time, sometimes I wonder what life would have been like; who doesn't?
Am I saddened I made the decision to terminate? Yes, who wants to be in that situation? I didn't, but I was a naive 17 year old girl, who was about to turn 18. It was scary as hell, but it was the first responsible decision I had ever made.
Do I feel guilt? Yes, I'm only human. I had a potential human growing in my uterus.
It's not a decision that comes easily.
Did it give me control over my future? Absolutely! Abso-effing-lutely.
Abortion is a personal choice. I look back now after having three children and wonder how I ever did it. But then I also look at my children and know that if I didn't have the right to choose, I wouldn't have them. I'd be lost without them.
Pro-choice. 100%. Forever.