rogue

"Why are you all on Snapchat? I don’t understand!"

I live in a world where my two bosses, women in their early 40’s (which is by no means over the hill, to be clear) are on Snapchat.

Yes, Kate De Brito, my Editor-in-Chief and Mia Freedman, overarching boss-lady and knower of all things creative are on Snapchat.

So are my colleagues Monique Bowley, Rosie Waterland, the women I sit next to at work, the bright and alarmingly perky editorial assistants and my 17-year-old baby sitter.

And I just can’t.

No, truly. I can’t.

I’m at peak social media.

I have Facebook, and Twitter and Instagram, and Whatsapp and Messenger and Skype. I potentially even have a much neglected and slowly dying Google Plus account, but does that even bear mentioning?

I’m hashtag tired and hashtag can’t be fucked.

I have no room in my life for My Story, for badly shot videos of concerts or coffees or cross eyed faces on public transport or for, god forbid blurry dick pics.

Do I have to?

Okay. Truth time. I had Snapchat in its early years. I enthusiastically sent dumb photos with poorly constructed captions to my unsuspecting friends in 2013.

Yes. I come from a time when Snapchat was affectionately referred to as Snatchchat, and used primarily as a sexting app.

I was on Snapchat before Snapchat was cool.

I Snapchatted my kid refusing to wear pants, and my live responses to Eurovision and the Federal Election results that year.

It was fun for me and my three friends who were on it.

But interest soon waned. I mean, there was only so many Snapchats I had in me. Eventually, my kid started wearing pants again and I didn’t have any content left to offer, though I freely admit a pantless two-year-old is content of dubious quality at best.

Of course, there are rare instances where Snapchat is used for good causes. For example, there’s a Snapchat feature that encourages women to seek help for domestic abuse. Post continues after video.

Video by Snap Counsellors
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I quietly stopped checking my account and six months ago I deleted the app from my phone. Snapchat… that’ll never happen, I scoffed.

(I totally have a future as a fortune teller.)

So, now it’s a thing. Like, a really big thing. Everyone is on Snapchat. From Kylie Jenner to Kylie Smith from up the street.

But, like… what the hell are they Snapchatting?

Last week, model and Aussie girl-next-door Jesinta Campbell Snapchatted herself unplugging a drain while model and Aussie aloof-princess-of-the-catwalk Miranda Kerr made herself into a dog face.

How captivating.

Why are you all on Snapchat? I don’t understand.

Neither does Monique Bowley. She’s on Snapchat, “because everyone else is on it. I don’t understand it but I’m having fun playing with it.”

Kate De Brito has a better grasp of it. She exclaims “Snapchat is the best!” My heart sinks. What if she makes me join. She could do that. She’s in charge around here and I wouldn’t put in past her.

“It’s multiple tiny insights into people’s lives. It’s a cross between a text message and an Instagram post.

“Instagram is so flat. Insta is like Facebook. It’s crafted. Snapchat is just stream of consciousness. It’s messy.”

So far, Kate is not selling this to me very well. Because I have to tell you, the stream of consciousness of someone whose last name is Kardashian has no place in my life.

“And people’s stories are the best. You can send to one person or a few or ten. Or you can put everything to your story and then everyone can see it. And it tells the story of your day. Little things you’ve seen and noticed. Kylie Jenner is really good at it.”

Well, if Kylie Jenner is good at it, I guess that’s something…

Er, if you’re a fervent Snapchatter and you’ve just spent three minutes hate-reading this post, can I humbly recommend you follow Mia FreedmanMonique BowleyKate De Brito, and Mamamia on Snapchat.

You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram.