Becoming a mum has opened up my eyes to a whole new world. A world where sometimes I don’t know if I’m coming or going, sometimes I don’t know if I’m happy or sad and sometimes I don’t know if I want to hug someone or throw something. Some days it’s a total mess of confusion but at the same time it’s the most beautiful thing in the world.
Parenting is a paradox.
I wonder why no one ever told us of the hardship, of the struggle, of the ups and downs of parenting. About those nights when you are awake more than you are asleep, taking shifts with your husband and passing each other in the hallway like zombies in the night. Those days when nothing goes right and you are left crying behind the closed bathroom door thinking how can I be getting this so wrong! Those weeks where one day rolls into the next and you wonder if life will ever be easy again.
On a good day you sit watching an animated movie with your babies thinking life could not get any better. On a bad day you pass a childless couple dressed up to have a quiet relaxing dinner together and just think ‘those f*ckers’.
On a good day you could just sit and watch the magical, timeless days as they unfold for a child. On a bad day you just want to run out on to the street and scream TAKE THEM AWAY.
On a good day watching your husband play with the kids gives you those same feelings you felt on your first date. On a bad day you just want to hit him with a baseball bat because, well... just because.
Oh the paradox.
So, in wondering why no one really talks about the bad days, I thought about what I would say to my daughter when one day she comes to me and tells me that she too, is going to be a Mummy. I might think to myself all of the above..... But then there’s that other side of the paradox. That part of parenting that is so hard to even find the words to describe it. That part that you would never want to scare anyone away from experiencing because it’s the absolute best thing that has ever happened to you.