Originally published on Everyday Feminism.

For almost my entire life, I felt as though I couldn’t trust my own memory.

"After years of being told that your memory is not reliable, you begin to depend on what others say truly happened." Image via iStock.

Wait—so what is gaslighting?

Listen to the Mamamia Out Loud team discuss gaslighting. Post continues after audio.

So, how can I tell if I’m experiencing gaslighting?

1. Do you question the validity of your memories and experiences?

"Gaslighting is an especially terrifying tactic because it makes the victim feel as if they cannot trust their own mind." Image via iStock.

2. Are there people in your life who actively discredit your memories and experiences?

“You’re too sensitive.”

“You never remember things correctly.”

“How would you know? Your memory is awful.”

“You’re always making something out of nothing.”

“You weren’t right about this last time.”

“You can’t even remember [where you put your keys/where you parked the car/what you had for breakfast]. Why should I trust your memory of this?”

“You don’t even know what abuse is.” (Or “You have never seen real abuse.”)

3. When you call someone out on hurtful or abusive behaviour, are they quick to dismiss both you and the situation?

“Why do you always have to bring this up?”

“I’m not dealing with this nonsense right now.”

“I [worked all day/am tired/have more important things to deal with] and don’t have time for this shit.”

“You’re ruining my night.”

“Shut up. Nothing happened.”

Steve Price was criticised earlier this year for 'gaslighting' fellow Q&A panel member Van Badham.

4. When you try and bring up hurtful or abusive behaviour, do they immediately turn it around and play the victim?

If someone in your life cannot (or will not) let you speak to your experiences, and instead insists on turning it into a conversation about themselves, the conversation is not a healthy one.

“You always make me out to be the bad guy.”

“Constantly bringing stuff like this up makes me feel bad/is hurtful to me.”

“I’m actually the one hurting.”

“You don’t know what abuse is. Saying that I’m abusive is hurtful to me.”

“Pretending I’m hurtful/abusive makes you the bully.”

So, what can I do?

1. Recognise it