This week at work I came to a shocking realisation: I am a ‘basic bitch’.
What is a basic bitch, pray tell? Well, according to the information overload at Wikipedia, a basic bitch can be defined as “women who are perceived to predominantly like mainstream products, trends, or music.”
Middle of the road. An average sheep. Dead centre of the bell curve. A completely unoriginal person who just bleats along with all the other sheep in the pack.
It's supposed to be an insult, but I don't understand. I love being basic. Normcore. Average as all shit.
So hand me a Boost Juice and light a scented candle — welcome to the diary of a Basic Bitch.
8:15 am: Roll out of bed. Reach phone. Roll back into bed.
8:16 am: Scroll Instagram. Several 'influencers' later, feel deeply ashamed and inadequate. Lightly fondle arse. Give it a 6/10. Decide going to gym. Spin class at 9. Today is a new day. This is the new you.