Lots of poo. All. Over. Everything.
Aside from all the baby poo, Sean and Zoe had so much to say about everything they wish someone – anyone – had said to them before assuming responsibility over their tiny, helpless humans.
Some good, some bad, and some really soul destroying because, as they both confirmed, being a parent is bloody hard.
Let’s start with Sean and the five things he swears no one warned him about before he and his husband Josh brought home their twins, 16-month-olds Stella and Cooper.
We’ve got a little taste of The Baby Bubble for you, get it in your ears below. Post continues after audio.
1. You’ll never have free time again.
“I always say to people when they ask for my piece of advice about having twins is that you have to say goodbye to your free time. One of the things I realised right away when I was speaking to other parents of newborns is, when you have one child, the beauty of the fact that they sleep so much is you do get breaks. There are moments in your day, and most people sleep during those times, that become a routine where you’ll know OK I’m going to have a pocket here and here.”
“The problem with having twins is that kids are unpredictable, so even though you can attempt to put your twins on the exact same schedule, the reality is, sleeping and eating and crying and pooping all over your rugs is going to happen whenever they decide they want that to happen. So with twins, you’re not going to get the breaks you so desperately need, because [in my] personal experience, when one child was sleeping, the next child might go down 30 minutes later. And it’s the fact that your days are monotonous, you do the same thing, multiple times a day, day after day after day after day after day. And THAT is what no one told me.
“I feel like what they do is they have conversations in their own baby language where they’re like, ‘let’s f*ck with them today, should we have completely different sleep schedules today?’.”
2. Trying to change nappies is like WWE wrestling.
“Changing nappies with twins is like WWE wrestling. You’re literally slamming one child on the ground and grabbing the other by the foot, and wiping poop on your forehead. It can be intense, but also really funny, it’s like you’re in a viral video.”
“Everything takes longer with twins. If you’re parenting by yourself, if you’re a stay-at-home parent or a single parent, you are constantly needing to manage and pull another child in one direction. Those moments are the most stressful, when something as simple as changing a nappy becomes an hour job because you’re dealing with the first child while the other one is trying to run away.”
These kinds of candid chats are exactly what you can expect from Mamamia’s upcoming podcast The Baby Bubble. Check out the trailer below, post continues after video.
3. You need to be in shape to physically carry your twins.
“I really should have been working out for 10 years prior to having twins. They’re so damn heavy and they got so heavy so quick, I was like, my muscles are not ready for this. I can barely hold both of them at the same time to get from the tub to their bedroom, why didn’t one ever tell me you need to be in shape to be a parent?”