It's Monday morning. I've been awake since about 3am worrying about everything in the entire world.
My mouth feels like the inside of a grubby wheely bin and there's a tightness in my chest as I think about all the things I have to do this week.
I crawl out of bed and catch my reflection; dull skin, sad eyes, and all I can think is "I need coffee" and "I'll never drink again."
Watch: Your body a year without alcohol. Post continues after video.
But by 11am I'm already thinking about my evening glass of reward wine.
And after school pickup, I'm happily trotting to the bottle shop.
Of course these days, I'm a responsible adult.
No binge drinking. No throwing up on your shoes outside some sleazy club. No alcopops.
Oh no, it was all $25 bottles of Pinot Grigio in expensive glasses, sipped while making a nutritious dinner. It was never a full bottle (well, almost never).
I was what's officially known as a 'grey-area drinker', on the surface, smart and successful. Taking my vitamins, and my green smoothies, heading to the gym. Running my business and doing all the mum and partner things the world expects of me.