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Dear new mum, I saw you the other day in the supermarket...

I get it. I get you.

Dear New Mum,

I saw you the other day in the supermarket, I saw you trying to push a trolley and a pushchair. I know how hard that is, I have done it myself and when I got home I burst into tears at the whole thing.

The baby was crying, the trolley had a strange wonky wheel and often people just pushed by and tutted. I want to tell you it is okay, it is okay that you thought a pushchair and a trolley was a good idea at the time. It is okay that you can’t workout if you push the baby in the queue first or the trolley.

It is okay that you can’t actually fit all the shopping under the pushchair and that in the end your trolley is probably too heavy to push with your pushchair too.

Zara and her baby. Image: @mojoblogs

We might not have all done it, but I have. It is okay.

I saw you the other day, in the coffee shop, your baby unsettled and red. Scrunched up face, balled up fists and clothes that frankly just don’t fit. Smelling faintly of newborn poop and milk of some sort. You have ordered your coffee already, you are alone just you two. It is a brave new word for you both.

I hear you “shhhhh” your little love, I see you pat their bum, and I see a flash of expression that I recognised ‘Why can’t I soothe this baby, I am such a bad mum‘ or ‘everyone is staring at me’.

I want to tell you it is okay, my babies made me sweat too. Sitting in a coffee shop and we both end up smelling like poo, I can’t fit the pushchair in the toilets and I can’t leave it here either. When they get so frustrated no milk, no hug, no rocking and no dummy will help – It is okay.

Personally when this happens to me after my coffee I retreat home and cry. I want you to know, this is okay.

Zara’s baby getting creative. Image: @mojoblogs

Breastfeeding mother I saw you sitting in the corner, with your darling wedged up your top. Your baby is a little squashed and you are not really sure what you are doing, they are making the right noises and if you move they will scream the place down.

You aren’t sure if you are doing the right thing, you have no idea if you have enough milk and frankly you are so tired your eyes are dry and you might burst in to tears at any moment. It is okay. You have enough milk, don’t worry, if it doesn’t hurt you are doing it right and being tired is okay.

This one time, I answered the front door with a baby in a sling and a boob hanging out with milk dripping. It is okay.

Formula feeders, I see you. Feeling judged by those who have chosen another way. Throughout parenting this will be just one of the very difficult decisions you will make and you will feel judge from the very moment you leave the hospital till the day you no longer make decisions on behalf of your baby.

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I want you to know that this is okay. I know that being awake in the middle of the night waiting for formula to cool is not easy, I know that you are worried you will scald you baby if it is too warm and I want you to know it is okay. It is okay.

While making formula once, my friend tipped an entire bottle into her cup on to her teabag because she was so tired. It is okay.

You sit alone at 4am, baby won’t sleep in the Moses basket that took your hours to choose. Your partner is snoring in a deep and comfortable sleep but you are awake in the dark. Your baby softly takes those juddering little post cry breaths, you can smell their beautiful scent, you pat their bums and stroke their back – and you have never felt so alone in your life. It is okay.

Find your people, be they online, in Facebook groups or around the corner in playgroup – find your people. It is okay.

You are very, very sure that there was no way that they baby could poo completely out the side of their nappy. You are very, very sure that you put it on properly. You are very, very sure that one leg of the baby grow is completely filled with poo and you have just reached your destination – and forgotten the change bag. You have two options, drive home with you baby having a poo bath or, take all of baby’s clothing and nappy off, wrap them in your scarf and socks with a make shift sock nappy and bin everything THEN drive home.

It’s okay. There are many difficult decisions, how to deal with poo should NOT be one, but it is.

There are many other things that I have done as a mother, that frankly are probably not cricket at all. Sometimes in order to stay yourself, with the smallest amount of dignity you have to make the best of the tools you have at your disposal.

Zara and her baby. Image: @mojoblogs

Yes, new mum. You will be judged, you will be talked about, you will be cast out by some you thought were close, you will be taken in by others who know what it is like.

You might find yourself, weeks after birth feeling low, lost and crying uncontrollably, it’s okay, there are people to talk to. You might find yourself feeling empowered and strong, it’s okay – pass that on to others, spread that joy. You might find that months from now, you no longer smell like baby poo, your baby is snoozing, you are finally relaxed and you have no idea what all the fuss was about.

Welcome to motherhood, welcome to all the sadness, joy, hurt, exhaustion, elation, emotions turn up full tilt and love over flowing.

We are all here for you, should you need us,

Love from Mothers Around the World.

What advice would you give a harried new mum?

Zara is a blogging mum of three. She has the faintest idea of what she is doing at least 5% of her day. Sometimes she takes photos too. Can be found on Instagram and Twitter: @mojoblogs

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