Let's be clear: I'm not a Wicked superfan. I really enjoyed the first Wicked movie, but I don't have an emotional attachment to the musical.

This means that when I watched the latest sequel, Wicked: For Good, I viewed it through clear eyes — no expectations, no hype, no nothing.

And oh boy, it was a weird movie. Sure, I had a great time and audibly wept during Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo's spine-tingling rendition of 'For Good', but for the bulk of the film, this was my face:

Wicked: For Good picks up from the end of the original with Elphaba now the exiled Wicked Witch of the West, waging a war against the corrupt Wizard and Glinda's co-conspirator, Madame Morrible.

Glinda is struggling with where to place her allegiances between the Wizard and Elphaba when her groom, Fiyero, leaves her for her best friend, who is ummm… living in a forest with the animals.

It honestly was an awful lot to digest. More specifically, there's a scene when Elphaba and Fiyero finally hook up and she is wearing this oversized knitted cardigan.

They should have called it the lion, the witch, and (wtf was) the wardrobe.

The knit has rightly been branded as Elphaba's sex cardigan online.

I'm sending love and light to Elphaba's style choices, but could the wardrobe department not have picked a slightly more aesthetically blended fashion piece for the scene? It was wildly distracting.

Where did she even get it from? Witchery?? (Okay, I'm a little too proud of that one).

Next on my list of weird things I didn't expect to write today, but that lion had terrible vibes. I know his whole personal brand is being 'cowardly', but come on man, get a backbone.

Despite being voiced by the effortlessly charming Colman Domingo, Cowardly Lion was devoid of a single drop of charisma. What is your problem!!

Then that Tinman was terrifying?? Like I know, Boq is mad about the whole 'a witch shrunk my heart and turned me into a Tinman' scenario, but does he have to be so menacing??

I didn't know whether to laugh or scream every time he appeared on-screen. It's official: Wicked: For Good is a horror comedy.

But the biggest jumpscare of the film was Jonathan Bailey's Scarecrow. In case you didn't realise, Fiyero is on the brink of death when Elphaba brings him back by turning him into a scarecrow (because, of course).

After Elphaba fakes her death with the whole 'I'm melting, I'm melting' water bit at the end, Scarecrow arrives to rescue her, and they ride off into the sunset together.

Firstly, umm: why does he look like that? And why does that look exactly like Ryan Reynolds?

I'm freaking out! I also don't know the science that goes into a man being turned into a hay-stuffed scarecrow, but why does Elphaba have to give him a spiky hairdo with frosted tips? Who has the time!

Speaking of ol' Elphie, what was the go with her sister's bizarre villain pivot? I found it all a bit rushed to go from meeting a sweet girl in the first film to Nessarose, the supervillain.

I know she's the Wicked Witch of the East, but she was also a bit much!

Then there was that bizarre song 'No Place Like Home' which Elphaba sang in a forest filled with animals and I thought I was in a fever dream.

I have one question for director Jon Chu: why are there so many kangaroos in this movie? I literally counted at least seven kangaroos and multiple koalas. What is happening? Is this Oz or Aus?

On the topic of animals, can we talk about that flying monkey Chistery, who could be embracing his freedom but instead is intent on being Oz's resident gossip.

This monkey was so messy!

But this monkey was merely the tip of the iceberg. I don't think I'll ever recover from the AI video of a young Oz, aka the moment they took Jeff Goldblum's face and imposed him on a younger man's body. Gah! It was giving Bicentennial Man (iykyk).

And is anyone else a tad alarmed that Dorothy is just being kept in Elphaba's dungeon for the second half of this film??

Bit harsh, Elphie!!

It was also wild how we literally never saw Dorothy's face the entire film? Keep your secrets, sis.

Wicked: For Good is a true whirlwind viewing experience. Will I see it another five times just to believe it's real? Of course, I'm obsessulated.

Feature image: Universal Pictures.