When you’re planning on proposing to your partner, all you want is for things to go smoothly.
"After buying the ring I called up her dad and asked to stop by that night. This is where I f*cked up. Kara and her family aren't very religious or 'traditional' but I kinda just assumed it'd be the right thing to 'ask for her hand'. Her dad said he was happy to have me as a son in law. I figured everything was good to go," he wrote.
A woman has been with her boyfriend for four years and he's not taking her marriage hints. Should she ask him? (Post continues after audio.)
"Fast forward to Kara's birthday. I tell her how much I love her and do the whole bit. She very happily said yes. We were on cloud 9. After some cuddling she jumps up and says 'Oh my god I have to tell my parents!' So she calls up her mum...and all of a sudden she get really quiet. All the excitement in her voice is gone. A few minutes later she comes back with tears in her eyes. I guess she was really excited to break the news to her mum (they are SUPER close) and she already knew because I'd talked to her dad and I guess he mentioned it. I never told him not to say anything, I just figured this was all a formality. Anyway Kara is trying really hard not to cry but asks why I would do that and says she's not a kid who needs her parents permission for anything and that she was so excited to tell her mum but now "everybody knew I was engaged but me," he continued.
"She's been quiet ever since. I honestly didn't even think about any of this or the fact that it'd be a big deal but I guess looking back it kinda makes sense. She's really strong and independent. She never asked me to ask her dad but she also never said not to. I guess we both assumed the opposite thing. What do I do? Was I out of line? How do I make it up to her?"
Reddit users were quick to offer advice. Sarahhhhhhhh8 posted "Just explain you didn't realise how she would feel, and apologise for hurting her feelings. Then emphasise how excited you are to be engaged to her. She'll recover with time," while puppiesandsunshine offered "Make sure she knows that because you're new to this step in your life, it's hard for you and most guys to know exactly what's expected from you and what's not. You have obviously heard that this is a thing that a lot of people do, and it is usually a way for you to build a relationship with your father-in-law-to-be. Let her know that you were focused on THAT expectation and that relationship."
Yikes. We can see where Kara is coming from here - but we also can't help but feel for her poor hapless fiance.
Here's hoping they work it out and go on to have a very happy marriage.
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