Ah, the wedding night.
An evening of unbridled romance, passion and endless love making as man and wife? A night where you both collapse into each other’s arms and spend the night in naked wedded bliss, completely unaware of the world outside of your love bubble?
Or maybe something else entirely?
It seems that the wedding night is not what the movies make it out to be. That is… very few people have sex,
While most couples feel they should do the deed on their first night as a newlyweds, the majority are so damn tired (or smashed) that just walking to the bed feels like an effort.
Here are some of the best responses from the Reddit thread:
1. “She sat on the floor in front of me. We watched T.V. while I took the 6,000 hairpins out of her hair. It was a horrible game of pick up sticks as they were all intertwined. After that we crashed.”
2. “My wife was literally crying because I was taking too long to undo the 800 buttons on the back of her dress that was now hurting her shoulders too much to wear. Then she cried as I pulled out the 8000 hair pins for her hair. A few strands of hair and 30 minutes later we attempted sex, both decided we were tired and went to bed.”
3. “Terrible. We got back to the hotel, I carried her across the threshold, and we began to consummate our vows. Moments after we started, there’s a knock at the door. It’s my mum. She then said we should both come down and visit with the family. Not preferred.”
4. “I had the flu, so I left the reception early and went to bed shivering violently and puking and shitting, while my very introverted husband was a gracious host to 40 people. We didn’t have sex for a week.”
5. “Got drunk at the after-party and eventually, somehow, fell into bed. New wife jumped on top of me expecting marital sexy times… a bout of nausea immediately hit me, I screamed “Get the f*** off me!”, pushed her off the bed and ran, puking all the way, to the bathroom.”
6. "Let me set the scene.....Hotel room setup before our arrival with flowers, candles, champagne, snacks, music playing softly....We enter to find this beautiful jacuzzi tub begging for some action. As my new bride slips into the bathroom to freshen up I begin to fill the jacuzzi with hot water. While it fills up I begin to set the mood with candles placed around the room and the edge of the tub so I can romanticize my new better half. As she enters the room I can see the joy and love in her eyes. We movie style rip each others cloths off and slide into the steaming tub dimly glowing under candle light. After a brief period of vigorously fondling each other I reach over and hit the button to start the jets. Then without warning we learned the error of our ways... The vibrations emitted from the buzzing spa pump were just strong enough to make the strategically placed mood lighting dance across the edge of the tub. Causing the candles to take a death plunge into the water splashing our naked unsuspecting bodies with molten lava like wax."
7. "Terrible. I had a super bad flu. We did the deed because we felt it was necessary. It was hot and awful. I went to the hospital the next day."