When it comes to weddings, it’s the bride’s (and groom’s) big day. So who are we to judge their choices.
A bride doesn’t want to wear white, or even, she doesn’t want to wear a dress? Her decision.
No bridesmaids or groomsmen? Well, that means you halve the photo time.
Not allowing plus ones? Great, you’re saving money.
But, there is one teeny-tiny detail that can rile up even the calmest of people: cash gifts.
In a forum on Mumsnet, one user expressed their utter distaste at a recent invitation she received. The woman was invited to only the second part of the celebration, but asked to help pay for the honeymoon.
“Please no children, we hope you understand, our wedding day might get quite out of hand, please do rock up to the evening do, and helping out with the honeymoon would be so kind of you,” the invitation explained.
The user kindly provided her own translation: “Sooo – whole family not invited, not important enough to come to the wedding itself, but please do still help pay for our honeymoon.”
The poster, using the name StepAwayFromGoogle, told the forum she and her partner were getting married in 2019 and had already decided on a poem regarding gifts of their own.
“We are going to explicitly say ‘no presents’ on the invite i.e. ‘It’s cost you all a fortune to travel here and stay overnight, so that’s our present thanks, we’re quite alright.'”
Self-reflecting the woman asked, "I'm not bothered about wedding lists or where you just bring a present or drop some money into a box, so why does asking to contribute to the honeymoon annoy me so much?"
She wanted to know was the bride out of line or was she, as the title of the thread asks, being unreasonable?
Well, while some Mumsnet users thought the request was "disgusting", others suggested that couple's asking for money in lieu of gifts was "pretty much the norm now".
"I think it’s a good idea to be honest... I’d rather pay some towards the honeymoon or whatever instead of wasting money on a toaster or bloody wedding champagne glasses like most the other guests will of got and they the bride and groom don’t want," wrote one person.
"I think I would be tempted to take a bottle of champagne instead," countered another.
Should you send a singles list out with a wedding invitation? (Post continues after audio.)
Others suggested the request wasn't rude, but that adding a disclaimer of gifts not being necessary would have made it more acceptable.
"So long as it isn’t explicit, I think 'gifts not essential, but if you insist then we’d appreciate x' - might as well get them something they want. No kids is another discussion altogether, their day and their choice," they wrote.
Another suggested guests see a request like this as a blessing, rather than a reason to get upset.
"I never understand the outrage at this request. Surely if you're close enough to go to someone's wedding you'd want to give them something they want/will make use of. Plus, to me, chucking money into a card is a lot less hassle than finding the perfect gift anyway."
In the end, the guest was convinced by those swaying her to calm down.
"That's decided then. I won't be [one eye-brow raised smiley face] about it, we'll just give them a bit of money. And definitely going to avoid a poem in our invites! Thanks, Mumsnet."