In the months that followed my partner’s proposal, I learned one important thing. Simply put, your wedding day is a SHOW, and you are the STAR.
Yet just like every On-Broadway, Off-Broadway and even Off-Off-Broadway show, there just aren’t enough Big Numbers to sing and galleries to fill. And with that in mind, we must be very tactful when handing out tickets.
But this is precisely where the trouble begins. The guest list.
Once word got out that my partner and I had become engaged, our inboxes were hit with messages.
“Can’t wait to celebrate when you’re back in Australia!”
“So happy for the two of you, congratulations.”
“What exciting news! It’s been a long time, can we have brunch to debrief? I’ve lost your number, otherwise I’d call.”
“It has literally been years, can we catch up soon? I can’t wait to see you - and the ring.”
“Do you need a caterer recommendation? My boyfriend…”
Were these well wishes? Genuine pleas to break radio-silence? Job applications? The cookie crumbs of freeloaders? Or something else entirely?
I’ll let you be the judge, but I found it to be a relatively easy task to separate the non-negotiables from the potential-invitees - and freeloaders. For my partner and I, the non-negotiables were those who heard the news before Facebook and Instagram, and the potential-invitees were the first to comment, call and text shortly after The Big Reveal. As for the rest? Well, I found they generally didn’t have my phone number or they were more interested in spying out the ring than genuinely sharing their well wishes - see above.
We asked, what's your biggest wedding regret? And these are your answers. (Post continues after video...)
Now, some may think when, if not your wedding day, is the time for extravagant, romantic gestures? The more the merrier! Invite that long lost friend from your university days, invite those opportunistic neighbours, invite your over-eager butcher, invite your ex’s and while you’re at it, why not cordially extend an invitation to your kindergarten alumni? Really, what better way to end a friendship than with joy and celebration?
I’m sure that by this stage, words like callous, heartless, rude and boorish are springing to mind - and I don’t blame you. As an outsider looking in, I would also start to conjure such maleficent words - in fact, I might even throw the word ‘arrogant’ in there.
But I assure you, this isn’t what it looks like.
The reason why we were so strict, precise and exacting with our guest list is simply because, we didn’t want to be cast as the lead actors in The Show. Forgive my naivety (and use of cliches), but my partner and I were hoping our wedding day would be a celebration of uncontainable, ineffable, eternal love. We wanted to look back on the faces smattered through our wedding photos, abuzz with pure bliss. We wanted to remember each and every person's contribution to who we are today as individuals, and who we are today as a couple - and we wanted to remember our contribution to their lives.
But like any show, there are the critics.
Loving someone, and saying that in front of your dearest family and friends, shouldn't be controversial. Yet the whole ritual is riddled with ifs, buts and maybes; hurt feelings, gossip and outstretched hands.
“You must invite this person.” “You can’t invite that person.” “No, they don’t get along.” “They use to be lovers.” “I wouldn’t invite them.” “If I were you...” “They didn’t bring a gift to my wedding.” “She didn’t invite me to her wedding.” “I’m not inviting her.”
It’s true that traditional marriage, with strict gender roles and non-existent elbow room, is becoming less and less common (and for good reason). We make a commitment to each other long before we attend cake tastings and wrestle with calligraphed invitations. We live together, we sleep together and we sometimes even have children together, all before walking down the aisle. Some of us will never be married at all. But it seems this reality has left the rest of us floundering to understand what exactly a wedding should be, if not commitment incarnate?
Amidst all of this uncertainty, who makes the cut?
To my mind, it’s simple. The same murky waters that have confused your barista into expecting an invitation, can actually be used to your advantage. Gone are the days of the traditional, cookie-cutter wedding, the "obligations," the “I shoulds” and the “have to's” - go forth and invite who you want to.
Yes, there are always exceptions but just use your best judgement.
And if you still can’t seem to pick apart your potential-invitees from your freeloaders, ask yourself one simple question: “In five years from now, would you invite them to an intimate dinner party?”
Other than that, well - whispers and hurt feelings be damned - The Show must go on.
How would you create your wedding guest list?
TAP on the image below and scroll through the gallery for 17 nontraditional engagement rings for a unique bride-to-be...
Unusual engagement rings
Diamond calla lily ring.
Image via @anitakojewelry Instagram.
Criss-cross diamonds.
Image via @marronidesign Instagram.
Double Baguette ring.
Image via @lorenstewart Instagram.
Ring stacks.
Image via @arikkastan Instagram.
5 diamond prong set.
Image via @lorenstewart instagram.
Diamonds on diamonds.
Image via @misajewelry Instagram.
Opals and leaves.
Image via @misajewelry Instagram.
'Baguette obsession.'
Image via @graceleedesigns Instagram.
Twin pearl ring.
Image via @graceleedesigns Instagram.
Unusual engagement rings
Unusual engagement rings
Unusual engagement rings
Unusual engagement rings
Unusual engagement rings
Unusual engagement rings
Unusual engagement rings
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