“I was asked if I was going to gain weight for my wedding day.”

by Mamamia Team October 2, 2015

Image: Supplied.

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that brides feel the pressure to look a certain way before their wedding.

With my own wedding looming, I’ve been feeling the pressure of being The Perfect Bride and I’ve suddenly become very self conscious of my own body. Not because I feel the need to lose a copious amount of weight. In fact, I don’t need to lose any weight at all.

I’m so thin that it regularly becomes a topic of conversation – much to my resentment. So why exactly am I so stressed?

Because my 24-inch waist is too skinny. My 30-inch bust is too small. And my 34-inch hips are apparently far too lean. Yes, all of this was suggested to me at a recent wedding dress fitting as the sales assistant joked that I must be on a carb-loading diet for my upcoming wedding – because surely I was planning to put weight ON for the occasion.

Right?

Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.

As soon as the words left her mouth my heart began to beat – heavy, thick, tiresome beats. I laughed immediately, shrugged it off, minimised the importance of the situation and said something horribly and wholly stupid about making burgers for dinner.

Why couldn’t I just speak the words of pure unadulterated honesty?

"I’m so thin that it regularly becomes a topic of conversation - much to my resentment." Image: Supplied.

How thin is too thin? How big is too big? Would you say that to a larger bride? What do you think and feel about your own body? When did it become fair to assume that a prospective bride is going to starve herself silly? Or eat herself sick?

I’m glad that I didn’t go down this line of questioning – I am. But I do wish I had said something along the lines of:

“Whatever someone’s size and shape, there is no excuse for this sort of behaviour or comment.”

I didn’t.

As I left the store entirely bemused, I realised that I wasn’t The Perfect Bride that I (rather self-righteously) always assumed I would be. I was The Too Thin Bride. The Bride In Need of an All-Burger Diet.

Now, I know that as far as body image goes, thin women are privileged. But I’m not going to get into the politics of size because no one should feel as if their body isn’t good enough. Body shaming, fat or thin, is a tool of oppression - but that’s a completely separate article.

What I’m trying to say is, for lack of a better phrase, we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t. Brides are either too thin, or too fat - much like Goldilocks, we’re perpetually searching for the body that is ‘just right’.

But what on earth is that?

I would never begrudge the woman who wants to look her ‘best-self’ on her wedding day, nor would I resent the woman who thinks that a wedding is a legitimate reason to go Paleo and add a boot camp session (or four) to the weekly schedule. (Post continues after gallery.)

We love these celeb quotes on body image

Rebel Wilson

The actress said on Twitter; "I'm not trying to be hot. I'm just trying to be a good actress and entertain people." Image via @rebelwilson

Adele"The first thing to do is be happy with yourself and appreciate your body - only then should you try to change things about yourself." Image via Getty

Lady Gaga

After the media focused on her alleged weight gain in September 2012, Gaga hit back at critics by baring her body in photographs, sharing her struggles with an eating disorder, and inviting her fans to join her in a "body revolution"/ Image via @ladygaga

Ashley Judd

After the March 2012 frenzy around Judd's "puffy face" the actress fought back in 'The Daily Beast', calling the media out for making women's bodies "a source of speculation, ridicule, and invalidation, as if they belong to others". Image via @ashley_judd

Christina Aguilera

"I am always in support of someone who is willing and comfortable in their own skin enough to embrace it," the singer said in a recent interview. Image via @xtina

Lena Dunham

At the 2012 New Yorker Festival, the magazine's TV critic, Emily Nussbaum, asked Lena Dunham, producer, creator and star of the hit HBO show 'Girls' why Dunham is naked in so many scenes. Dunham responded; "I realised that what was missing in movies for me was the presence of bodies I understood." She said she plans to live until she is 105 and show her thighs every day. Image via @lenadunham

Alexa Chung

Chung responded to critics who suggested that her slight frame made her a bad role model for young women, saying: "Just because I exist in this shape doesn't mean that I'm, like, advocating it." Image via Twitter @alexa_chung

Stella BoonshoftThe NYU student started the amazing Body Love Blog, where she posted this picture of herself and wrote an open letter to those who feel entitled to shame others for the size or look of their bodies. Image via http://thebodyloveblog.tumblr.com"> Body Love Blog

Beth Ditto

This five-foot-tall, 200-pound singer spoke openly about her weight to 'The Advocate' saying, "I feel sorry ... for people who've had skinny privilege and then have it taken away from them. I have had a lifetime to adjust to seeing how people treat women who aren't their idea of beautiful and therefore aren't their idea of useful, and I had to find ways to become useful to myself." Image via @marybethditto

I’m simply asking, when did the concept of 'the bride' turn from lace-and-tulle, commitment and celebration to juice cleanses, Dukan diets and ‘I quit sugar’ ballads?

When did the idea of a bride walking down the aisle without having dieted, starved or adhered to a strict fitness regime become something suitable for a science fiction film?

Despite appearances, the wedding industry is anything but stupid. Women everywhere are being force-fed the mantra that we should be thinner (but not too thin), younger (but not too young) and prettier (but not too pretty).

It’s repeated over and over and over, it’s everywhere we look.

http://cdn.theglow.com.au/app/uploads/2015/09/Bride-Mag-Collage.jpg "Despite appearances, the wedding industry is anything but stupid." Images via Instagram @cosmobride/@hellomay/@brides.

Buy this juice detox… sign up for this macrobiotic diet package… snag a place in this exclusive bridal bootcamp. It’s a lucrative business, making women feel insecure. And insecurity is calorie-free.

The fact of the matter is, no matter what diet we choose or fitness regime we covet, we’re never going to be that woman, that model, on the cover of Brides Magazine.

Our hair won’t be as voluminous or as glossy, our teeth won’t be as translucently white and our bodies won’t be as perfectly perfect – because it’s all a fantasy.