Image: Ravishly. By Adiba Nelson.
Are you OK?
I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times my mum, girlfriends, co-workers, and random people on the street asked me that question when I was going through my divorce.
Whenever I would speak of my pending divorce with a tinge of sarcasm, or laugh about some new demand my ex-husband was making, they would all ask me: Are you OK? Are you sure you’re OK? The absolute truth was that I was. I was very OK. Granted, there was that one day I was about as far from OK as I am from being White, but for most of my other days I was OK.
Now don’t get me wrong, my divorce process may have been the longest in non-celebrity divorce history — one year later and I was still tethered to the man — but it was truly enlightening, full of love, and loaded with laughter.
So, my hope for you, person going through the divorce or breakup (and cursing the day you starved yourself to fit into that fucking wedding dress), is that by the time you reach the last word of this article, you’ll have chuckled just a tiny bit.
Because the reality of it is this: This is just a blip on the radar of this bag of shenanigans we call life. It’s miniscule compared to some of the amazing things the universe wants to give you.
So, with that being said, here is a list of 10 things that might help this particular shenanigan along, in the most delicious way possible.
Preferably in the bathtub.
You can pretend your tears are little beads of sweat from the hot bath water. And if you’re wearing mascara you can take a selfie and pretend you’re this guy.
At yourself in the mirror. At the idiot driver next to you. At pictures of your soon to be ex-husband. Just scream. Let it out. It feels really fucking good! Just don’t scream at small children or pets. That typically does not end well, and in some cases, either one may bite you.
It’s much cheaper for one. Plus, you can see what you want to see. Want to take a selfie with Michelangelo's David (and his penis)? Do it. Want to go on a carbs-and-wine tour of Italy? Break out the leggings and go for it. This time is yours.
How to have a healthy holiday with Paper Tiger. (Post continues after video.)
4. Learn the difference between Merlot, Syrah, and Sauvignon.
You’ll want to be able to tell the doctors what you were drinking before they make you drink the barium. And trust me, they will make you drink the barium.
5. Reacquaint yourself with the fine art of masturbation.
You don’t have to lie and say you’ve never done it (you’d just be lying to your computer screen). You and I both know you have, and probably stopped when you got married.