This is Ira van den Heuvel’s response to the question, ‘Have you found your spouse with another man in bed and what was your reaction?’ on Quora.
I was working the overnight shift as a pressman for a small morning edition newspaper near home. My crew and I had just finished printing that day’s paper and had a gap in the production schedule at about 2:00am. We weren’t going to have anything to print till the morning shift came in, so our head pressman assigned maintenance tasks to a few guys and tasked me with driving a load of grocery store flyers to a Gannett newspaper distribution centre about 30 kilometres away. This facility happened to be within shouting distance of my house.
Well, shouting distance if one were to shout really, really loud. But you get the idea. After dropping off the flyers in the straight truck, I decided to stop by my house and kiss my wife and son while they were sleeping and tell them I love them.
I remember being concerned that the truck’s loud diesel engine might disturb my neighbours that early in the morning and that I would have to be careful navigating my house as I was still wearing my pressman’s blues that might be a bit dirty. Oh, well. It seemed worth any risk as I was smitten with my family and hated working at night. Especially the part about being away from them.
Listen: Why do happy people cheat? (Post continues…)
So, yeah. I pulled up in front of my house and immediately noticed that there was a big, black Dodge truck parked in my driveway. Always found it odd that you park on a driveway, but drive on a parkway! But, I digress. This truck was not recognisable as belonging to anyone I knew so I double-timed it to the front door out of concern for a possible intruder. Once at the front door, I could clearly hear sounds from the master bedroom window next to the door. Sounds I recognised as my wife whilst engaged in coitus. But with some other dude grunting and moaning along. Hmm. What to do, what to do?
Noticing that the front door was ajar, I sprang into action. Gently as was prudent, I kicked the door the rest of the way open and said loudly, “HONEY, I’M HOME!” In a really sarcastic tone. Think William H. Macy in the movie Pleasantville. If you have not seen it, it’s worth a look. The ensuing chaos was mildly hilarious… a blur of naked male ass cheeks streaked from my bedroom to the bathroom, then closed and locked the door.