rogue

"I just discovered people on the internet are 'vagina sunning' and I cannot deal with it."

In 2019, I wrote an article about butthole sunning that went a little bit... viral.

More than a year on, it still haunts me (and my colleagues bring it up at least once a week), which is why I am truly terrified to share the latest news in sunning parts of your body that should definitely not see the sun.

Some humans are, allegedly, sunning their vaginas.

Here's a few 'wellness' options that don't require such a compromised position. Post continues below video. 


Video via Mamamia.

As in... they are showing their vaginas (ACTUAL vagina, not just vulva, people!) to the sun. 

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND ABOUT 'INTERNAL' BODY PARTS. THE VERY FACT THEY'RE INTERNAL MEANS THEY SHOULD NOT EVER SEE THE SUN.

First of all... some much needed context.

In early December, Brazilian model Leticia Martins shared a photo to Instagram of her... vagina sunning. There is only one angle to photograph this without breaking all of Instagram's content guidelines, and Leticia nailed it.

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She captioned the photo with the alleged 'benefits' of allowing your... vagina to... see the sun.

Full disclosure - I'm using Google Translate for this. It's often unreliable, but given this is a story that makes me feel like I'm being trolled by the entire universe, this seems like only a small issue.

"Nothing better than a morning sun..." she starts off. Ok, pretty normal start.

But then:

"Did you know that exposing your private parts to the sun can provide you with more energy, increase your libido, improve the circadian rhythm (which regulates the entire functioning of the human body) and still help you get a good night's sleep?" she asks.

Riiiight. There is a distinct lack of peer-reviewed research papers attached. I will update this story if those are added. 

I'm not going to judge (I am), because if these people want to show their vaginas to the big burning ball in the sky which has the ability to... burn us, all power to them.

Or something.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T HAVE QUESTIONS.

I have so many.

Too many.

In the last line of her caption, Leticia asked her followers what they thought of the practice.

So look. I'm taking that as an opening to ask away.

1. WHY?

As mentioned, Leticia's caption claims exposing your vagina to the sun can "provide you with more energy, increase your libido, improve the circadian rhythm... and still help you get a good night's sleep".

So like... those are some cool benefits. If it was legit.

I Googled 'vagina sunning', on my work laptop no less, and found... nothing to back this up. I did find a truly cursed YouTube video where a sex influencer (a non-official term), discusses why she engages in "p**** sunbathing". She was in Bali. That feels like an important point.

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Anyway. After a 10-minute break to compose myself, I returned to my search.

The far more trustworthy people over at Healthline put together an article explaining why perenium sunning (as in the part of the body in between the areas in question) has no benefits. In case you needed convincing.

2. What about... sun safety?

VAGINAS ARE SENSITIVE AND THE SUN IS A HARSH, BURNING BALL OF ENERGY.

It just feels like the two should not go together.

Especially because 1. you should not, under any circumstances, use sunblock in or around a vagina and 2. being in the sun without protection on ANY part of your body is NOT GOOD and OMG JUST PLEASE DON'T DO THAT TO YOUR POOR VAGINA.

And don't even get me started on using after-sun aloe vera gel down there.

Image: Giphy.

3. Who has an area in which they can 'vagina sun', without receiving a public indecency charge?

Okay, theoretically, if vagina sunning was something I... tried (there will never be a 'vagina sunning' road test, I promise) I just don't understand... where this could happen.

I stand by this statement from a previous article about my home situation not being conducive to sunning private areas of my body: "Approximately 54 people would see it from neighbouring apartments and also the street. I'd definitely cause a car crash, and Uber Eats would blacklist the building. THERE IS NO WHERE PRIVATE ENOUGH TO BUTTHOLE SUN."

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4. This can only happen for three of every four weeks... right?

I'm so... sorry. I just couldn't stop thinking about it.

5. Holy shit, are the butthole sunning and vagina sunning women feuding?

While perusing the comments on Leticia's post, for research, I saw a familiar name: 'Metaphysical Meagan', a major player in 2019's butthole sunning trend. 

It pains me that I am so... deep in this.

Anyway, Meagan commented on the post saying: "All of these words taken exactly from my perineum sunning posts back from October 2019... please give credit to where you get the info!"

The comment was, obviously, accompanied by sun emojis.

Is this the most important feud of our time? 

Anyway. That's really it. It's not really life-changing information, but if I have to live knowing humans are getting their kit off to stick their vaginas towards the sun... you do too.

Apologies.

Feature image: Instagram.