reality tv

Whoa. The US Bachelor finale just put Nick Cummins' season to shame.

So we can all agree that last year’s sh*t show of an Australian Bachelor finale reached peak reality TV ~drama~ , right?

You know, when Nick Cummins chose not a single one of the 25 women he had strung along for weeks, infuriating the contestants and leaving us all feeling, well, ripped-off?

(We’re sorry to re-open old wounds, by the way).

Watch: Things we say while watching The Bachelor. Post continues after.

Well, it turns out we were wrong. We haven’t even seen drama compared to the US Bachelor.

US Bachie Colton Underwood just made Nick Cummins choosing no one look boring.

His finale actually involved stunts and we want our money back.

Because if we were going to be disappointed, we would have at least liked to have seen a man scale an 8-foot fence in a suit, which is precisely what happened in the US finale this week.

This seems… unnecessary:


Underwood (who is also a 27-year-old virgin, which was only mentioned approximately 8,000 times throughout the season), not only chose neither of the two remaining contestants, but went rogue and fled the prison otherwise known as Bachelor Mansion to pursue a woman who had rejected him the week prior.

…Only to have her look at him like a door-to-door salesman she instantly regretted opening the door to.


Oh, but it gets better.

He then proceeded to tell her he was confident he could “persuade her to love him”.

Adding in a testimonial to the camera: “If things go well, Cassie could be in love with me by the end of next week,” and, mate, we don’t think that’s how it works, but OK.


Rather reluctantly, she accepted (words which should never be used to describe entering a relationship), and now they seem to be in love and wait just a second.

The previous week, when contestant Cassie Randolph left the show on her own volition, she told Underwood, in so many words, that she did not love him and did not want to get married (which is what happens at the end of every season of the US Bachelor because ‘Murica).

“I know that there were other girls here and something told me that they were further along than I… they were ready for something that you wanted,” she said, alluding to the proposal. “I didn’t know if I would get there and I didn’t know if I did get there if it would be real… and I just wanted to be sure. They could give you that and I couldn’t and I wanted you to have that.”

“I’m not gonna stop fighting for you,” he declared before her departure.

And, well, he didn’t – tracking down where the contestants were staying in Portugal and pleading with her to reconsider, because that’s not a creepy thing to do at all.

“More than ever, I feel how much Colton loves me and I think I’m starting to kind of accept it and it made me excited about the kind of relationship we could have,” Randolph said in a voiceover aired during the finale.

“I’m starting to kind of accept it.”

Let that sink in, people.


Naturally, Twitter had a lot to say about watching a man quite literally force a woman to be in a relationship with him on national television:



And perhaps the greatest reaction, from a Twitter account dedicated entirely to *the jump*, because the internet:


So what have we learnt?

If someone tells you they’re not in love with you, show up at their house unannounced and demand they change their mind until they eventually weaken and submit.




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