My first boyfriend was skeletal with strawberry blonde hair to his shoulders. He liked going to raves and pre-gaming with ecstasy.
I played the “Who can scream the loudest?” game for over a year with the next guy I dated. After him was a drug addict who nearly took me down with him.
Then one who cheated on me over and over again with a woman I knew.
Watch: Relationship deal breakers. Post continues below.
Then one who made up whole aspects of his personality just to hook me, and then another that treated me so badly for so long that I don’t even know how I finally had enough strength to leave.
When I dragged myself into therapy after all of those terrible relationships, well before I became a Relationship Coach myself, I finally heard exactly the advice I needed to start looking at and addressing my own relationship issues.
It’ll sound weird at first, but keep reading.
Dr. Cynthia’s small office reeked of frankincense and was decorated with lots of bright colours and affirming quotes.
As soon as I sat down on her couch, she asked me, “So why are you here?”
After I’d been talking for probably 15 minutes straight, she interrupted me.
“Tara?” she said.
I blew my nose.
“I need you to hear me when I say this,” she said.
Then she gave me exactly the advice I didn’t know I needed to hear: “Water seeks its own level.”
I looked at her like she was crazy. “What? Water?”
“Water seeks its own level,” she repeated.
Then she said, “Let me ask you this: Did you keep dating these guys after you knew things weren’t great?”
I wiped my nose. “Well, yeah. Sometimes for years.”
“Do you think you were healthy while you were dating them?”
I thought about it for a second and said, “Well… no.”
“It’s not likely you were,” she told me. “It’s actually probably more likely that you were as unhealthy as they were. Because you stuck it out, you had a part.”