Life stopped within that moment.
Growing up, I decided that marriage and kids were not my thing. Who in their right mind would want to be tied down and risk giving their hearts to people who could eventually drop them like a bad habit? At the ripe age of 18, the whole thing was too much for my mind to understand.
I had made up my mind that those two things would NOT be a part of my future life.
As I now know, the thoughts of a young lady can change as she exposes herself to what love can be. In my case, I stumbled upon a man who made me laugh and who became my friend and my partner in crime before he ever became the love of my life. We grew to love one another and my idea of life started to quickly change. All of a sudden, I found myself dreaming up our happily ever after. I dreamed up our perfect wedding, our perfect house and of course, our perfect children.
Before I knew it, at least one of those things was falling into place. We married on a beautiful golf course with our loved ones all gathered around us. After being married for a few months, we decided to move our family back to my home state. Not long after making the move, we found out we were expecting our first child. Those thoughts of no marriage and children were now nothing but silly ideas that had been disproven by the love I had found.
The girl who thought she didn't want any children brought life into this world on October 19, 2012. Our daughter was perfect. Beautiful blonde hair, perfect blue eyes. She fit wonderfully in my arms. She was a dream come true.
We slowly but surely caught on to all the things parenthood brings -- dirty diapers, sleepless nights and endless amounts of singing, "You Are My Sunshine."
By the time our daughter turned three months old, my husband and I were already thinking about our second child. We had decided we would start trying a few months before our daughter's first birthday. Some called us crazy, and in all reality we were crazy, but we were also crazy in love with being parents.
The absolute unthinkable happened five months into our lives with our daughter. She was diagnosed with a seizure disorder called Infantile Spasms. They later found tumours on her brain and heart, which led doctors to diagnose her with a genetic disease called Tuberous Sclerosis. This genetic disease also had a tag line of incurable.
Our hearts grieved for our daughter and for the life we had imagined for her. We weren't given much of a bright future for her and our hearts began to break as we heard the things that could accompany this disease.
We were encouraged to have genetic testing to find out if my husband or I had this same disease. The disease is so broad that we could have it and still show no signs. Because of the possibility of passing this on to our future children, we had to put our dreams of having another baby on hold.
After waiting a year for the test results, we were given the news. They could not find the genetic mutation. She was in the small percentage of having a clinical diagnosis, but no genetic results to go along. The doctor was talking, but my mind could not focus on what he was saying. Once the gibberish slowed down, my ears finally focused on him, and just as they did the most hurtful words spilled out of his mouth...
He slowly said, "It would be irresponsible for you and your husband to have any more children."
Life stopped within that moment.