With Father’s Day approaching, we decided to conduct a lengthy and scientific study (we didn’t), observing all the different types of ‘dad’ personas out there. We know exactly who they are; we can spot them from a distance; and sometimes we may even recognise them as our own.
We present to you a round-up of the most prevailing and recognisable ‘dads’ out there to date.
We’ve all got a friend who has that Hipster Dad, you know the one. He’s trendy in a way that’s a little bit off, but we’ve got to give him points for trying. He dresses in a cringe-worthy fedora and listens to Triple J – he also insists you need to hear the new Black Keys track (we’ll ignore the fact that it isn’t in fact new, but just go with it). He’s down with the lingo – everything is ‘rad’ or gets a ‘yeah, nice!’ response. As long as the term ‘lol’ doesn’t come out of his mouth, we’ll allow the rest.
While we may give Hipster Dad a bit of flack behind his back, he holds a special place in our hearts. He’s the dad that tries to make conversation about the things that may only be of interest with us, he dresses pretty snappy most of the time, and he’s always willing to try the new pub around the corner.
This Father’s Day, let’s raise a craft brew to all the Hipster Dads out there. The ever-enduring effort he makes to ‘keep up with the times’ means he well and truly deserves it. But only if it’s from Young Henry’s, please.
Straight-Talking Traditional Dad.
Fulfilling all of the quintessential dad stereotypes, Straight-Talking Traditional Dad doesn’t mess around when it comes to his fatherly duties. He makes sure the household respects the sanctity of Friday night football, which means no channel-changing; no outside dinner plans; and extra points for yelling ‘Go son!’ to the players on the TV screen at regular intervals. He’ll save your ass and come through for you, but he’ll make sure you hear about it later.
He intimidates formal dates and disapproves of every high school boyfriend you’ve ever had (which he’s always right about in the end). He’ll probably encourage you to study something ‘useful’/boring/you have no interest in. He knows the importance of quiet time and never underestimates the power of a stiff drink at the end of a long day (a glass of Label 5 Gold Heritage Scotch Whisky never goes astray). And as much as we might have the urge, at times, to scream at straight-talking traditional dad for being too stuck in his ways, there’s a lot to love about this protective, straight-up, tells-it-like-he-sees-it dad type. (Except for the fact he’ll never forget the $20 you owe him).
Image: Buena Vista Pictures (10 Things I Hate About You).
Raising kids is no easy feat, but Traditional Dad has stuck to his guns and has even indulged us with his God-given right of dad jokes from time to time (one is too many if you ask me). We’re indulging him for once with a bottle of his favourite whiskey this Father’s Day (Rollins Tennessee is his go-to FYI), and we may even leave him alone for some quiet time too.
Ahh Master-Chef Dad, how you never cease to amaze us. He’s the gateway to the latest culinary delight; he has a passion for the finer things in life; and, most importantly, he appreciates a drop of good red. He is forever singing the praises of Penfolds Bin 407 Cabernet Sauvignon.
The Master-Chef Dad is few and far between, but if you’re lucky you may catch a glimpse of him in his natural habitat. He’s savoring his meal at the newest restaurant, and eating at NOMA is probably on his bucket list. We’re making master-chef dad’s sommelier dreams become a reality this Father’s Day with a bottle of Artemis Pinot Noir that will impress even the greatest of food and wine snobs.
Image: Comedy Central (South Park).
“What…what are you wearing?” followed by “where did you even buy that?” are just a few of the questions we ask ourselves when Fashion-Disaster Dad steps on the scene. His outfits are not only confounding; they are downright offensive.
Talks with Fashion-Disaster Dad are always in vein, no matter how many times you try to tell him that comical ties/socks with sandals/sneakers with everything are not okay they still somehow make it back into rotation. There is no middle ground, you either look like a child or an old man-professor hybrid.
"His outfits are not only confounding; they are downright offensive." Image: Paramount Pictures (Zoolander).
IT MAKES NO SENSE!
Fashion-Disaster Dad, you make us angry and confused, but it’s really your lack of giving of a s#@t that we admire. You keep on insisting that chardonnay is making a comeback and this year we’re not only going to believe you, but say thanks with a bottle of your favourite MadFish Gold Turtle Chardonnay too. Even though we blame you for making 'sneans' a thing.
What kind of dad do you have?
Speaking of dads, here are our favourites from the land of TV:
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