I feel like I need to start this piece off with a bit of a disclaimer: I am very grateful to be able to do what I do as an influencer and be able to make a living from it.

I’m acutely aware I’m not out here saving lives (or risking mine).

I’m aware of how lucky I am to be given the opportunities I’ve been given, to be able to travel and call it work. I’m thankful for the friends I’ve made and experiences I’ve shared with my 211,000+ followers on Instagram.

But believe me when I say, it really isn’t all bikini shots, red carpet events and annual trips to the Maldives.

Love all things celeb? Mamamia sat down with our new Bachelor, Matt Agnew, to ask the tough questions. Post continues after video.

I’m human and I have shitty days, just like everyone else. I’ve been very open and honest about my mental health and sometimes my anxiety makes me feel so heavy, so overwhelmed and nauseous that I simply can’t get out of bed.

But who wants to see a selfie of me, in bed, my eyes swollen from crying?

Who is going to “like” a photo of me with stringy hair and tracksuit pants because I haven’t left the house in days?

No one.

On these days? I post photos of me smiling, eating avocado on toast at a new cafe. Or a throwback photo of a holiday where I felt calm, happy.

I play make believe. I go to “work”. I put on my clown mask and you all believe I’m living the high life.

Listen to the teaser for Tully Smyth’s new podcast, Social Squad. Post continues after audio. About a year ago now I decided to endeavour to be more honest with my followers. I wanted to be vulnerable. Authentic. Real. It’s not always easy. But I think it’s important.

So, off the back of that, I decided to take a little trip down memory lane to tell you the story – the real story – behind the post.

Enjoy peeling back the curtain and remember, don’t ever compare your real life to someone’s highlight reel.

1. The first job I took after my mum died.

This Swisse X Village Cinemas activation was the first job I had agreed to after my mother passed away.

It was a new mindfulness offering by Swisse that meant office workers in the area could come to the cinemas on their lunch break and take some “me” time to meditate. Meditation is something that has helped me a lot, both with my anxiety and insomnia so I was all for it. On top of that, I hadn’t worked in over two weeks and needed the money.

The morning of the job I woke up feeling a bit panicked. I didn’t feel like putting on a happy face and having to be polite and professional. I thought about messaging my manager and pulling out but it was too last minute and flaking on a job – especially in the eleventh hour – just isn’t something I’d do.

So I put on my activewear, slapped on some makeup (needing more concealer than usual to cover up the bags under my eyes) and drove to the cinemas.

Thankfully, Tegan Martin was also booked for the job. Tegan and I have been friends for a few years and she is always a ray of sunlight. She passed on her condolences and gave me a big hug and I instantly felt better.

The meditation ended up being very calming (no surprises there) and Tegan and I had a lot of fun shooting together afterwards that I can honestly say that smile is genuine, despite how I had felt that morning.

2. The convenient re-gram.

The reality behind this post is touched-on in the caption. I had been house-bound with the flu for two weeks. It was the first time I had the flu rather than the common cold and let me tell you, I would not recommend it.

I was suffering from a temperature, all-over body aches and pains and could barely breathe out of my nose. I had watched literally every binge-able Netflix series and was going bananas with cabin fever. I didn’t feel like sharing my snotty nose with the world so I had been avoiding Instagram stories but I was feeling the pressure to post SOMETHING. Anything.

So, I scrolled back through my photos and found a shot from a trip I took to Western Australia the year before. I had already posted it but I chucked a different filter on it and re-grammed away, a sigh of relief that my social media presence was now reinstated.

3. The food flat lay that bombed.

Photos like this – including photos of my food, flat lays or basically anything that doesn’t feature me in the shot nearly always bomb. They never perform well because people seem to follow me because they want to SEE me.

So when I post something like this, it’s purely because I want to. I know it’s not going to get many likes, but I don’t care. I’m not posting it for anybody else but myself.

Dippy eggs is one of my favourite things to eat for breakfast because it reminds me of being a little girl and having my dad make them for me. I find I often drift back to nostalgic things from my childhood when I’m having a rough week or feel homesick. Dippy eggs make me feel safe, comforted.

4. The fashion event I… didn’t actually attend.