couples

"Stop asking me when I'm having babies. Seriously. Stop."

The one question every single person has been nagging me about from the moment I said “I do”.

People often ask me: “What’s different about being married?”

My answer is: “You are on baby watch from the time you walk down the aisle.”

The pregnant question is something I have in common with actress Zooey Deschanel. On the issue of constant speculation about the bun in her oven, Zooey, 34, told InStyle magazine’s  August edition, “Like every woman is dying to give birth! I don’t think so. Nobody asks guys that. This brings out the fiery feminist in me.”

Besides feminism, if you ask me, it is just plain rude.

A few examples of how the baby-pressure affects my life:

– For the past 851 days I have drunk more alcohol at dinners/lunches/events than I did as a single woman. Because if I don’t drink alcohol, I’m obviously pregnant.

– And if I ever offer to be the designated driver, then my friends start speculating why I want to drive. Forget that I am a nice friend, I am clearly pregnant.

– Then there is the lack of sympathy for when I get food poisoning. Because throwing up can only mean I have morning sickness and trying to cover my pregnancy up.

– Or I can only be hiding a pregnant belly by wearing a baggy top. I’m not just trying to be do slouchy-chic.

– When the power went out in my house and I posted to my Facebook page what were my husband and I going to do without TV – a friend said the only thing would be baby making.

I am not upset with my friends and family for constantly asking, but it's exhausting.

Or when my husband and I booked a romantic holiday my family said there was only two possible reasons why. To spend the week trying to get pregnant. Or, it was our babymoon. There is absolutely no way we just wanted to escape and lie on a beach drinking cocktails (I made sure to post several of those cocktails as evidence I was not pregnant, or trying).

Now, I am not upset with my friends and family. I know they are just incredibly excited about me and my husband taking this next step in our lives.

But I also don't appreciate the pressure.

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I asked a friend of mine who is married with a child whether the pressure eases up after giving birth for the first time.

She dashed all my dreams and hopes in one statement, "I was in the hospital, hours after giving birth, and a family member asked if I planned on giving my child a brother or sister any time soon."

Oh dear.

For the record, my uterus still considers sperm to be gross and, with the help of its friend The Pill, kills as many of the suckers as it can. And I fully support those actions.

Being on "baby watch" is annoying, yes, but at its worst, it's also offensive and emotional.

I have friends who have struggled getting pregnant. What if someone joked to them that the only reason they got a big car was for a baby. Which would be true, but reminding them that they weren't pregnant yet is heart breaking.

I have friends who have suffered miscarriages. I can't even imagine what the baby pressure would feel like a week after miscarrying.

And I know there are people who have genetic disorders that prevent them from getting pregnant or ever having children. This is again something you don't tell everyone, and someone who doesn't know can easily make a joke about them being pregnant for wearing that baby-doll dress. When in fact, they are coming to terms that they will never have that experience.

So, the next time you want to wink at your friend about why she said no to the glass of red, or want to post a cheeky comment on your friend's status update about their romantic holiday...unless you know they are pregnant...DON'T.

Because you never know what is really going on.

What do you say to people who keep asking you when you're having a(nother) baby?

Want more? Try:

8 things only pregnant women will understand.

Is this the question that we should just stop asking? Ever.

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