Hoping to help other mums out there struggling, Tracy Bevan has courageously opened up about her struggle with post natal depression.
Speaking with Jules Sebastian on the popular web-chat show, Tea with Jules, the former-wife of cricketing legend Michael Bevan opened up about her darkest thoughts and lowest moments in her early years as a mother.
Bevan sharing her story. Source: Tea with Jules.
"I remember sitting in a park in the UK and thinking 'If I kill myself tonight, my mum will be there'. Mother would take care of the kids, Michael would eventually be fine," the mother-of-two told Sebastian candidly before sharing her breaking point moment.
"I remember looking at the girls dancing in the rain. Olivia looked at me and said 'I love you mum' and I go 'What am I thinking'? And I knew that it was the pressure of having it all," she said, continuing, "I had it all on paper, but I thought to myself 'I love you' but this can't be it for me.
Bevan speaking with Jules Sebastian. Source: Tea with Jules.
"I run home and ring Michael and explain to him 'Michael I'm sat here and thinking of the simplest ways to kill myself and these are the reasons why I feel guilty because I look at my children and think is this it for me," she told Sebastian bravely.
Like many sufferers of post natal depression, Bevan, who is the director of the McGrath Foundation, said she felt a huge sense of guilt for feeling the way that she did.
Jules Sebastian. Source: Tea with Jules.
"I felt I have no right to complain," she said, explaining, "so I pushed it down and I started feeling sad and a bit snappy and that the world is better without me. But in the instance I told him that, it didn't seem that bad when you release it, and you're open and honest."
Thankfully, Bevan - who separated from Michael two years ago after 21 years of marriage - was able to seek help before it was too late, the conversation with Michael triggering a visit to the doctors and an action plan to get her back to health including anti-depressants.
It was, Bevan says, "the best thing in the world."
Michael and Tracy Bevan during their 21 year marriage. Source: Getty.
Sharing her story in a bid to break down the misconceptions and stigmas surrounding post natal depression, Bevan explained, "I don't think any mother or father should be ashamed of being honest about how bloody tough it is to be a parent and to deal with life."
She added, "You need to be honest with yourself and be able to say it's okay and that it wasn't a good day and that you need help."
Watch the full episode below.