Happy Golden Globes Day, you guys!
We all woke up this morning buzzing with excitement to see who would a) Nail it, or b) Go for the “Oh, that’s an interesting choice (WTF)” option at the 2016 Golden Globes red carpet.
Host Ricky Gervais, on the other hand, woke up like this:
Anyway, it’s Kit Kat time – grab your phone, and sneak away somewhere your boss/boyfriend/child/husband can’t find you to join us in trawling the best of the best trends from this year’s Golden Globe red carpet.
SPARKLY NAKED VIBE
If I take my glasses off and squint really hard, these ladies look like upright sparkly naked mermaids. That’s the idea, right? Fashion?
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s the slightly debilitating trend that restricted our arm movement last year: lady capes!
50 SHADES OF BLUE
I always thought navy was for Catholic school uniforms, but there’s something jazzy about blue. *Cue Miranda Priestly monologue about Cerulean*
OOH PRETTY, JEWELS
When I was eight years old I was in a tap dancing recital and our costume pants were made from sequins and stick on plastic gems. By the end of the Hot Shoe Shuffle my poor little bum was scratched up like a third-generation Toyota Corolla.
As my mum would say, these dresses are NOT appropriate for church on Sunday.
WHITE, ALL WHITE. SO MUCH WHITE.
I like to wear white because it makes my Dove Holiday Skin really pop. I don’t like wearing white because I have consistent anxiety about standing near people holding mugs and/or getting a torrential rush of menstrual blood appearing from nowhere.
So like, I understand that breasts have been a great accessory since the beginning of time but I really feel that this year they are demanding a special mention. YELLING AT MY EYEBALLS DEMANDING MY ATTENTION.
( . Y . )
If these dresses were a profession, they would be art teachers. Nice, weird, and polarising to parents who aren’t quite sure that ‘cigarette paper origami’ is appropriate for the Grade Two curriculum.
Hundreds of thousands of individually, hand-sewn, sequins that probably drove the poor seamstress to madness, a la Joan Crawford in ‘Mommie Dearest’: “NO! MORE! SEQUINSSS!”
Who was your favourite on this year’s red carpet?