real life

Government steps in to save husbands from sex-crazed wives. Phew.

By BERN MORELY

Seems as though us pesky women are at again! Apparently, not only are we ALWAYS up for it in the bedroom, we are starting to pressure our blokes to reciprocate.

Good news is though gals, the Abbott Government isn’t only encouraging couples to have a healthy sex life, it’s also going to help us to get there together. Errr, let me rephrase that so you can still eat your dinner. His Government is going to contribute cash towards a relationship counselor so we can discuss this apparent glut of women who are simply gagging for it.

Prime Minister Tony Abbott

I don’t know about you, but nothing screams sexy times to me like being reminded of this guy.

According to a recent article in the Daily Telegraph, Relationships Australia has confirmed that it is running government-funded group relationship counseling sessions on “Sex and desire” which is designed to help couples build intimacy in the pursuit of learning how to politely ask for sexual relations.”

Errm, I hope step one is learning how to instinctively help one another out around the house and maybe, just maybe, we won’t be so freaking exhausted and therefore, have some time for some quality time in the bedroom.

Weirdly though, the counsellors are finding it’s not the frequency that couples are complaining about, but rather, the initiator…

“Relationships Australia’s Grant Pearson said that men were “under pressure’’ to perform.

“We are finding a lot more women demanding sex and men being put under pressure,’’ Mr Pearson said.

“Women feel far more entitled. I think the men are reacting like anyone would.

Jesus, us women are just so damn entitled aren’t’ we?!

Bern. Not convinced about the need for relationship counselling.

Okay, so I know many men out there are wondering where these “demanding women” are exactly. Look, I’m not saying it’s untrue but surely, it’s not the status quo?

In a completely contradictory comment, Mr Pearson went on to say

“Men doing the dishes is still an effective strategy to boosting your chances of a romantic evening.”

Errm, say what now? Ohhh, is that all us wimmin are waiting for? A man to come along, clean up up the cat shit and stack the dishwasher?

Oh, I know if my husband comes home and puts a load of washing on and vacuums, I immediately head on up to the bedroom and await him with my legs spread. (I really need a sarcasm font).

How about, we teach everyone in a relationship to function as considerate adults? To have the ability to communicate the words of:

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“Honey, I am f*cking EXHAUSTED and given the choice, would rather sleep for 34 hours straight than give you a blow job right now. Nothing personal”. That’s reality.

Luckily we have Minister Kevin Andrews, who is a former marriage educator and now finds himself in such a position to fund such great initiatives. He has also apparently has taken on the title of “Captain Obvious” and went on to say that suggest that

“Research suggested for many women intimacy leads to sex but for men sex leads to intimacy” and that “couples have different expectations about intimacy and sex,’’.

Look, I’m not saying that Relationships Australia’s “Sex and Desire — Group Program” isn’t a good thing. Any program that help or stops families breaking down will obviously save a momentous amount on “picking up the pieces” including legal fees, welfare payments, loss of productivity and most importantly, long term emotional damage to both the adults and children involved. Yes, most definitely, let’s open up the lines of communication between adults who are struggling with their sex lives but please don’t make sweeping generalisations about libidos and our expectations. This is surely, a case-by-case situation?

Mutual sex for all.

Because here’s what happens, you have children and sex goes by the by. Not forever, but for some, it can feel like it.

And SOME women will want it more than men. And some men will want it more than women. And sometimes you will both be quite happy to let it lapse for a bit.

The reason for this is often, you are just tired. Sex is GREAT when you have time to luxuriate in it, when you aren’t operating on 5 hours sleep.

This is obvious to anyone in a relationship. What ISN’T always obvious, is that it’s completely natural and that you aren’t alone

So what have we learned today? That at no time, should either partner, feel the pressure to have sex with other when they don’t feel like it. We’ve also learnt that there is a course for couples (open to same-sex couple as well) that teaches them how to identify and communicate sexual desires and be open to those of their partner.

To “Uncover ways to bridge the gap between your sexual differences and enhance intimacy”. And Tony Abbott is willing to throw $200 your way if you feel you need to discuss this. Do you think that there are bigger, larger issues that need addressing, that as a country with an apparent “Budget emergency”, we should addressing?

More to the point, do you think women are as guilty of demanding sex as the original article suggested?

I guess this is where I say “discuss”.

Do you agree with the government’s new policy?