Today, Kylie Jenner reached Peak Kardashian.
What’s Peak Kardashian, you ask?
Peak Kardashian is the ultimate in decadence. It’s the pinnacle of debauchery. It’s the very tip-top of the mountain of appalling behaviour. It’s the place people visit when they want to despair about the state of the world but are also in the market for a new lip colour.
It’s what happens when a family of people only famous for being famous use their fame to become more famous until they implode but the implosion is massive and iconic and they become even more famous!
Today, Kylie Jenner released a video that seems, on one level, to be promoting a lipgloss range.
On another level, it’s an ad for Louis Vuitton headwear.
On another, it’s a Quentin Tarantino cult film about the drug trade with an R rating.
On another, it’s a music video for cute girls hanging out on summer vacay!
What is this video?
Where did it come from? Which one is Kylie Jenner? I thought it would be the one with the shiniest lipgloss, but it could also be the one driving the Rolls Royce? No, wait, it’s the one with the glorious Kardashian butt! Good God, what has the world come to?
But honestly, is that her real butt?
Kylie’s numberplate in the video is KINGKYLIE. A woman in a leather leotard and thigh-high boots drowns a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt in a fishtank. A terrifying murder scene unfolds behind Kylie, but she’s chilly so she goes to the boot of her Rolls to grab a fur coat. She’s selling lipglosses called “Like”, “Literally” and “So Cute” which is like ironic because they are the things Kardashians say all the time, and she’s stealing a suitcase full of money.