If you’re the sort of person who gets really mad about other people’s incompetence at life, this is a warning that you should probably move along.
You’re not going to… like this. You’re going to start yelling and explaining to everyone in your immediate vicinity that THIS IS WHY MILLENNIALS CAN’T AFFORD HOUSES. “They have no sense of responsibility!” you will shout. “They’re financially illiterate, lazy and unable to effectively function in the real world.”
Yes, well, I agree. But to be honest, after recent events, I’m not in the mood to be yelled at so pls, if you’re here to shame me, go… elsewhere.
So, recently, I came to a startling realisation:
I have, like, no money.
When I login into my banking app, the figure is worryingly low. I pay for things like rent, food, parking fines, etc, but I don't have a particularly extravagant lifestyle. I don't go to fancy restaurants, I don't buy expensive clothes, I don't go to pricey events and I don't have a mortgage or a baby or a business.
So where is... literally all my money?
Mathematically, it doesn't make sense. I should have some money, I'm sure. But unfortunately I have a rare condition that prevents me from looking at my transaction history because it makes me feel physically/emotionally unwell. Such a shame.
Last night, however, I decided to confront my illness. It was time to go through my bank statements and work out why but also what but also how.
I got comfortable, logged on to my online banking, and oh HOLY NO.
As I went through a year's worth of transactions, a trend began to emerge: Subscriptions. More specifically, subscriptions for things I did not know I was subscribed to and/or didn't know existed.
At first, it looked like small amounts. A few dollars here and there. But one streaming service I've never actually used was $25 a month. WHAT.
Being the responsible adult I am, I decided to write down all the weird things I was subscribed to and simply unsubscribe. I feel like that's what Scott Pape would tell me to do. He'd probably also tell me to burn all my cards and also my laptop and hand over control of my finances to the nearest adult. But Scott, pls. I'm more than capable of dealing with my problems and setting out a fresh slate.
As I began to write down my subscriptions, I was... appalled.
Why were there so many? Why had no one... told me?
Of course, to unsubscribe from my problems, I needed to remember what email and password I had used, which was a mission in and of itself.
As a side note, one of the logins used my university email address. I GRADUATED FROM UNI FIVE YEARS AGO.
Here are just some of the companies I've been selflessly donating to for the last I can't think about how long:
WHAT. I don't remember ever signing up for this. I've never purchased anything on Amazon and I'm not even 100 per cent sure what it is.