Ahh Tinder… It’s both a blessing and a curse on the dating world.
On the one hand, what better way to have a quick hook-up/chat with people you wouldn’t otherwise meet in #reallyfe.
But then again, there’s the bombardment of unwanted peen pics and tales of stage 5 clingers and batshit crazies that’ll make you wanna douse your phone in holy water and swear off dating for life.
Below we’ve pulled together some of the more disturbing Tinder tales that are simultaneously hilarious, cringe-worthy and creepy AF.
Prepare yourselves for these shockers…
“Showed up to the date and the girl was pregnant, VERY pregnant. Like holy crap how did you get here on your own, should I be worried about your water breaking any minute pregnant… No mention of her being pregnant anywhere on her profile, not even a hint about it.”
“Tinder date with a ‘famous’ chef where I was taken to a dive bar, where he promptly starting talking about how famous he was. We drank and watched sports, he proceeded to tell me ‘You’re cute’ and this eventually went to ‘I am going to make you bleed.’ He then invited one of his friends to come along. I went outside and he came up to kiss me. I was drunk, so I kissed back. Eventually, he proceeded to tell me how he was ‘being charged with battering his ex-girlfriend, but he totally didn’t do it.’
Eventually when it came time to pay the bill, ‘he lost his wallet.’ Of course, I get stuck with it. ‘I’ll pay you back.’. (Needless to say, I never got a payment).
Then he leaned up against me. I thought he was trying to kiss me again, but I looked down, and he was peeing on me.
In the street. Peeing. On. Me.
I swiftly, being too inebriated to drive, went and got myself a hotel room and a hot shower.
“Went on a date with a guy. He seemed nice enough. Met up a few days later at my place to have a TV marathon. We had the sexy time. (It had been quite a few months since I had last had the sexy time). He started humping my foot while going down on me. I had to tell him to stop. He keeps humping my foot and pretended he wasn’t… I ended up flipping him over and jumping on top until I was done. I made him jack himself off to finish. He kept trying to meet up again even after I said I wasn’t interested. He finally got it when he messaged asking what he did wrong and my reply was ‘YOU HUMPED MY FEET!!!’”
LISTEN: Apparently, these are the tried and tested pick up lines to win over a potential lover. Post continues after audio.