sex

“I had a threesome with my partner and another woman. Then it got awkward."

Threesomes can be really tricky to navigate.

Particularly when sex is so intimate and you’re about to ring in an extra person with thoughts and feelings, possibly for your partner.

That appears to be what one woman discovered, as she has shared her confusion on a Reddit thread.

It all began when her partner asked to to have a threesome.

Redditer qwert098765432, who had been with her partner for 2-and-a-half years, agreed as long as the third person was somebody they didn’t know and they didn’t have to see her again. So they chatted up a friend of a friend and ended up doing the deed twice.

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So far no problem. It was only when her partner, or SO (significant other, as the Redditor refers to him) took a shine to the woman that things started to get a bit hairy. In qwert098765432’s words:

“She occasionally does small things which annoy me (e.g. she sits next to him, they have in-jokes and she invited herself to one of his work things), but neither of them have done anything obviously inappropriate. When we are out or at parties, they tend to stick together and chat in the corner together.

He says he loves me, which I believe. He says he doesn’t see her that way any more, which I believe less. He doesn’t have many friends, so I don’t want to stop him seeing her, but at the moment it feels like she’s an extra person in my relationship, and she’s doing much better than me.

I’ve spoken to him about it a bit, but I never feel like I have a proper resolution and I still resent her presence in my home.”

Now Reddit is filled with good (and bad) advice. It’s also filled with a lot of judgement. And a lot of people were judging her partner.

Comments like, “What kind of boyfriend would thank his girlfriend for letting him try threesomes by disregarding the rules set beforehand? WTF,” were common. As were sentiments like, “You have a right to ask him to not be friends with her. He might not like it but you can still ask. I think based on his reaction you’ll know where you stand compared to her.”

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One guy even gave his own story, which was equal parts enlightening and unhelpful, because things were working out for him and threesomes.

“There is always an exception. My girlfriend and I have had threesomes with six different girls over a long stretch of time. That said I (a guy) am the much more monogamously inclined. She is bi, so it is something we do together, not one of us with two partners. We also check out girls together so there is that dynamic.”

Others offered constructive criticism: “Not sure your jealousy is something you should reconcile at all. it sounds like they have a thing – within your full view.

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“He says he loves me, which I believe. He says he doesn’t see her that way any more, which I believe less.” (Image via HBO.)

I wouldn’t accept and get over it, and i wouldn’t ban her from the house (the former suggests that you pretend to have a relationship while ignoring the fact that THEY’RE the ones in one; the latter turns you into a shrew, and why would you want your hard line to be the reason they slink off into the shadows instead?)

Were it me, I’d sit down with BF and be like, “I’m vibing a thing here, so i’m going to bounce and let you sort your shit out. if you find yourself of a mind at any point to cut her loose and have a relationship with me again, let me know.”

And then there was the flat out honest; “This is why threesomes in a committed relationship is a stupid f*cking thing to do.”

So where do you stand? The Redditer finishes her plea with a question:

“What should I do? Accept their relationship & get over it? Break up with him so he can be happy with her? Ban her from my house?”

What would you do?

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