I grew up the daughter of two teachers. My aunties are teachers. My uncles are teachers. And now my brothers are teachers.
And here is what I have learned.
Do not have a conversation with someone who is a teacher from mid November until the end of the school term unless you want to be yelled at for no reason because they are going to be grumpy as f*ck.
Listen: A teacher shares all her secrets on This Glorious Mess. (Post continues below…)
Dad has been whinging about the pool for four days now (it’s unclear what the problem is), and mum is screaming at the oven every hour or so. This is typical late term four behaviour.
My brothers are speaking only in groans, and my aunties and uncles just keep repeating the word ‘tired’.
At this point of the school year, teachers are tired in their soul.
According to my extensive research, here are the thoughts every teacher in Australia is having right now:
“Goddamn. I hope they learned something off me this year…”
“That kid definitely didn’t. Jesus, it’s November and he’s still holding his books upside down.”
"I don't understand. I have said the same thing literally hundreds of times this year, and some of them are still running around in circles for no reason."
"I'm actually serious... are there... drugs in the bubblers? I think there might be drugs in the bubblers."
"WHY ARE THEY BEHAVING LIKE MONKEYS."
"Would it be... wrong... to just give them a giant puzzle and have them work it out for the last two to three weeks of term? Because that sounds a lot like independence AND problem solving, both of which are very important life skills. Oh. And I should hide 15 or so pieces so I can teach them resilience."
"Just focus on your mantra: Three weeks until that kid is someone else's problem. Three weeks until that kid is someone else's..."
"It is a miracle more teachers don't just lose their sh*t."
"Note to self: Hint that I definitely don't want a handmade gift by a kid. I want all of the alcohol."
"When the holidays start... I'm going to sleep for 16 hours straight. And THEN I'm going to set my alarm ring tone to the school bell and laugh myself back to sleep."
Well, they're the thoughts that are G-rated enough to publish on the internet. The others are being whispered in the corners of staff rooms - and it's probably best if parents never heard them.
The countdown is on.
And it won't be long until teachers are the happiest demographic in the country.