Having been single for the majority of my adult life, I’m now a single woman in her early 30s.
I love my life, and have lots going on, but would like to share it with someone, and so I’m a prolific dater. If you want something you need to go out and get it, and for me dating is the same as anything else. However, I’m still looking, and have heard every explanation under the sun. There are people who seem to have no trouble hopping from one relationship to another, and those like me who seem to find it much harder!
So, why am I still single?
1. “You’re too picky.” This is usually said as a form of compliment, imagining a long line of men that simply don’t match up to my high standards. Wouldn’t it be brilliant if this were true, if I were some throned queen singling out a match in a crowd of suitors?
2. “You’re looking too hard.” If I’ve lost my keys I don’t find them by not looking for them, so I’m an advocate for having your eyes wide open, and being willing and able to put yourself out there. I suppose people mean, “Don’t look desperate,” but this excuse can quickly become a reason to stay firmly in your own comfort zone. It’s rare to find love tucked up on your sofa.
3. “You’re too independent and successful.” This explanation makes me the saddest, but I hear it often. Apparently most men like to feel needed by women, and need to feel in control. The message is that women who are ambitious and driven at work will also take control in a relationship. The notion that strong women are less attractive disappoints me, but perhaps doesn’t surprise me.
4. “You date the wrong men.” As a heavily tattooed woman, I certainly have a lot of presumptions made about the men I’m attracted to, and the men who are attracted to me. I may well look alternative but I’m pretty vanilla (mainstream) inside, and I tend to be attracted to pretty mainstream people. I’ve been advised to date men with more tattoos, as I’ll never be be the one the suited boy takes home to meet their mothers. Not much I can do about this one though!
5. “You’re too clever.” Again, a depressing explanation but one I hear regularly. Men seemingly prefer to know more than their date, and my . No one likes a know-it-all for sure, but when did ignorance become attractive?
6. “You’re not generically attractive enough.”To be fair, no one has said this to me, this comes from my own inner demon. Logically I know it is nonsense, love is not reserved for the beautiful, and lust comes wrapped in every shape and size.