sex

"I know you're being nice, but you're freaking a pregnant woman out."

As I am welcomed to the third trimester club, I’ve noticed there is a definite shift in what I, as a pregnant woman think, and what other people tell me when talking to me about my pregnancy.

The first trimester is, “OMG, I’m having a baby, I have to check my baby app every two minutes to know what is happening”, usually followed by, “Who on earth called it morning sickness? It doesn’t happen just in the mornings”.

Read more: The no BS version of pregnancy.

The second trimester is, “Finally, no more not-just-in-the-morning sickness”, and “My bump is growing, com’on bump, get bigger”.

The third trimester is, “Shit, how am I going to get this baby out”.

As for those around me, the first trimester is all about the congratulations. The second is about remarking on your ‘cute’ bump.

But the third trimester, there is a definite shift. It was as if some people knew (they didn’t), that my baby app flashed on my screen “You’ve just started the third trimester”.

"My bump." Image supplied.

People started to say something that has me a little horrified.

Now, before I say what it is, I would like to say that these people are lovely. They have the best intentions. They mean well. They are looking for the right thing to say to a six and a half month pregnant woman. Even if they are kind of giggling/grimacing afterwards.

The problem is... they are saying something that freaks me out every time I hear it. At my last count, over the last five days, I've heard it 10 times.

Read more: How did you announce your pregnancy?

The first was when I had a Pad Thai craving. As I stood waiting at my local Thai take away shop, the lady behind the counter started the usual pregnancy talk.

"When are you due?" October (side note: that could've been very awkward if I wasn't preggers).

"Ahhh (lots of happiness, a little clapping). Do you know what you're having?" A girl.

"Oh a girl! I love girls. Girls are the best. Boys are okay too. But girls are so much better." Wonder what she would have said if I was pregnant with a boy.

It went on like this for a bit before I left with my order. As I left she said, "Bye, good luck with that." Insert giggle.

I'll be honest, it took me to drive home and start eating my Thai before I thought... Good luck with what?

Correct me if I'm wrong...but she meant good luck with squeezing my baby through my vagina. She meant good luck with looking after a teeny, tiny human who is dependent on me for survival. She meant good luck with everything that, as a first time mum, I'm completely freaked out about.

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Now, like I said, I'm sure she (and the other nine people who've said it to me since) meant no harm.

But to me, I think it's the most awful thing someone could tell me and my over thinking mind.

Read more: Six things only over-thinkers will understand.

I'm well aware that in a number of weeks this baby is going to come out. I'm well aware that it is going to be tough. I'm well aware that I'm going to have to try not accidentally kill the baby in the first few weeks.

I don't need reminding about what happens at the end of the third trimester (I've scrolled ahead on my baby app, I KNOW).

I asked my mum friends whether this was normal. Was I just being overly sensitive? Nope (well, kind of). Apparently, it's very common to wish a mum-to-be good luck.

I think this is all kinds of wrong. You wish people luck when they have to sit an exam. You wish people luck when they have a job interview. Or when they are about to go on a date. Or when they are preparing to break up with someone.

All these things people can prepare for.

You don't wish people good luck, for example, when they go into surgery. That would just be cruel. Either way, you know that they aren't going to enjoy that surgery. Instead, you offer them some words of comfort. Something to make them feel better.

Same thing with having a baby. No pregnant woman, whether it's their first, second or tenth, wants to be reminded about Week 40.

Avi pregnant in her second trimester. Image supplied.

I know as I creep to that Week 40, it will only get worse. As I get bigger and get closer to the due date, more and more people will wish me "Good Luck".

So... if you know me, and you see me and you want to say something to me... Don't say "Good luck". Please.

Comfort me. "You're going to be a great mum." I'm fine with you lying if you don't believe it. "You look so beautiful." Again, not opposed to a white lie.

Just don't remind me of the inevitable, even if it's with the best intentions.

How do you feel about telling pregnant women "Good luck"?

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