Vaginas are a bit finicky and kind of bitchy. A lot of things make them mad. Plus, their climate is like a tropical rainforest. So they sometimes require attention and care to stay in tip-top shape.
To keep a vagina healthy, you have to do (and not do) a lot of shit. Vaginas need lots of airing out to avoid too much moisture, they shouldn’t be left in a wet bathing suit, they should be rinsed out with warm water daily.
And most importantly, you should never put anything in or around the vagina that doesn’t belong in it.
This last one can get a bit tricky. With so many things you CAN physically put in a vagina, how can you know what you should and should not put inside of it? When you’re engaging in sexual acts with the vagina, it’s easy to get lost in a moment and forget the delicate balance of vaginal health.
What should your vagina smell like? Post continues after video.
To make things easy, I’ve made a list of some of the common mistakes people make when it comes to the blessed lady-flower. Here are 6 things you should never put inside of a vagina:
1. Flavoured lube
Flavoured lube is one of my all-time favourite things. It has revolutionised the way I give blow jobs. It takes away that skin-y dick taste, and replaces it with something delicious, like mint or mango or strawberry. While flavoured lube really is the shit, you cannot put it in a vagina.
Flavoured lubes contain sugar, which can cause an overgrowth of yeast. Yummy! Who doesn’t want a sexual encounter to end with a yeast infection?
Even if the lube is sugar-free, you still shouldn’t put it in a vagina. The artificial flavouring in flavoured lube can cause vaginal irritation and itching. The only lubes you should put in a vagina are water-based or oil-based. If you can stick to something all-natural like Jimmy Jane’s organic lube, Sustain all-natural lube, or 100% all-natural (and my personal fav) coconut oil, that would be ideal.
Seriously, you can’t put flavoured lube in a vagina. Don’t do it. Wash off the penis before intercourse.
So what about the stuff you actually can use for foreplay? Our resident sexpert has the answers. post continues after audio.
2. Household objects
Look, I get it. Sticking a rolling pin up your GF’s hoo-ha probably sounds really dope, but you can’t be putting a rolling pin in a vagina (or any other household objects, for that matter).
You can do some serious damage to a vagina by putting things that aren’t specifically designed for them inside. You don’t know where that household item has been, or what kind of materials it was made with. You have to treat your vagina with care, or you’ll wind up in the ER or with a raging yeast infection or UTI.
Also, it’s gross and unsanitary. You use those household objects for other things. You shouldn’t be using them for sex. There are sex toys for a reason. Go out and buy yourself something fun and festive. If you like the size of a rolling pin, get a Hitachi magic wand. It’s like a rolling pin, only without the possibility of vaginal splinters (because wood), and provides more vibration.
3. Toys that have been used for anal play
It doesn’t matter if you’ve washed the toy thoroughly with antibacterial soap, you shouldn’t put anything in a vagina if it has been in contact with a butthole. The only exceptions are toys made of stainless steel, but they need to be completely and thoroughly disinfected. Like, boiled-level disinfected.