By  Rhoberta Shaler  for Your Tango.

How do you know if you’re passive-aggressive?

Well, do people think you’re difficult to be around? Do they not trust you or respect you the way you wish they would? Truth is you that you may be exhibiting passive-aggressive behaviors that totally confuse people — and turn them off you.

In order to make these unseemly behavioral traits abundantly clear to you, I’m offering you a very straightforward list of passive-aggressive examples. You may find this harsh. But I hope you find it helpful.

We all have those neighbours ... Image: Imgur.

Generally, you're behaving in a passive-aggressive manner when you:

How this shows up in communication is being "assertively unassertive." You say "Yes" (assertive) when you really mean "No way" (unassertive). Then, you let your behavior say "No way" for you. People become confused and mistrusting of you.

You're living with pairs of opposites within, and that's making those around you crazy.

This is the case of "I hate you. Don't leave me." You fear direct communication because you fear rejection. You then often push away the people you care about because you don't want to seem in need of support. All the while, you are afraid of being alone and want to control those around you so they won't leave you. Very confusing!

Well, that;s one way to propose. Image: Reddit.

Rather than taking responsibility for stepping up and speaking your truth, you set yourself up as the (innocent) victim. You say others are hard on you, unfair, unreasonable and excessively demanding.

One way of controlling others is to make them wait. You have lots of excuses why you haven't been able to get things done. You even blame others for why that is so. It's amazingly unreasonable, but you do it even though it destroys relationship, damages careers, loses friendships and jobs. And you tell others how justified you are in being angry because, once again, others treated you unfairly.

Another way of controlling others is to send mixed messages, ones that leave the other person completely unclear about your thoughts, plans or intentions. Then, you make them feel wrong when you tell them that what they took from your communication was not what you meant. Silly them!

Just change your password, Kevin. Image: Reddit.

You complain that others are unreasonable and lacking in empathy when they expect you to live up to your promises, obligations, or duties. Passive-aggressive women favor the silent treatment as an expression of their contempt. Passive-aggressive men prefer the deep sigh and shake of the head, while walking away. Both expressions say “You poor confused person. You’re not worth talking to.” when the real reason for their behavior is that they have not, cannot, or will not take responsibility for their own behavior.

Whether you set yourself up to be a self-sabotaging failure — "Why do you have such unrealistic expectations of me?" or a tyrant or goddess incapable of anything less than perfection, "To whom do you think you are speaking, peon?" you're shaking in your boots from fear of competition and being found out as less than perfect. (P.S. You likely picked this one up in childhood!)

One way of driving people away is to be thoughtless, inconsiderate and infuriating. And, then, to put the cherry on top, you suggest that it's unrealistic to expect you to arrive on time, or, in your words, "think of everything." Being chronically late is disrespectful of others. Supposedly forgetting to do what you've agreed to do is simply demonstrating your lack of trustworthiness. Who wants to be around that for long?

Again, a control move somewhat like procrastinating, but the difference is you begin and appear as though you are doing what you said you would do. But, you always have an excuse why you cannot continue or complete the task. You won't even say when it will be — or even might be — done.

Watch our staff confess the biggest lies they've ever told below. Post continues after video.

You're the master of avoidance of the straight answer. You'll go to great lengths to tell a story, withhold information or even withhold love and affirmation in your primary relationships. It seems that if you let folks think you like them too much, that would be giving them power. You'd rather be in control by creating a story that seems plausible, gets them off your back, and makes reality look better from your viewpoint.

Seriously take a while to ponder your own behavior, and if any of these traits describe you as you usually are, take notice. This may help you may finally understand why you are having difficulties with personal and work relationships.

The good news is that people are not passive-aggressive by nature. And these behavior patterns can change with some insights, skills and relationship advice.

So, if you've realized a few uncomfortable things about yourself in the list above, what now?

Get some relationship help!. We all come by our passive-aggressive "stuff" honestly. There's no blame here. If you read the list and saw yourself, you have two choices: recognize what's not working for you and change it, or continue to blow it off as other people's problems. Choose the first so you can feel more accepted, loved, wanted, appreciated and respected immediately. You cannot do it any younger!

This post originally appeared on YourTango .