My name is Keryn and I’m an introvert.
Last weekend my friends invited me out for drinks and I said I couldn’t go because I needed to hibernate for approximately 48 hours.
I also said I LOVED THEM ALL but couldn’t think of anything worse than having to spend time with them.
I’m sorry about that.
I have, on more than one occasion, pretended to be sick so I could get out of doing something social.
No one has that many “stomach bugs”.
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I also have to admit that I’m very good at pretending I’m going to an event and then just not showing up.
I want to be a dependable, non-socially awkward person but at the same time I want to sit in a dark room far away from people for good chunks of my life.
So I’m sorry, I’m a big ole’ socially awkward introvert, and here are 7 things I will never, ever understand:
Excuse me, but how do you have so many friends and why the heck did you decide it was a good idea to gather them all together… in one place?
What are they talking about? Why is the music so loud? Is that a dog over there? God, I hope so.
While I’ll never understand why Sharon from accounting needs to talk to me about the weather every morning, I have definitely perfected the art of small talk over the years.
I now know to respond with things like this:
“Yes, it is hot.”
“And it’s only going to get hotter.”
“My boobs are producing more sweat than Donald Trump in a steam room right now.”
I lived in many a share house in my younger years and then I realised they were a special kind of hell.