real life

Here's a fun new game, it's called 'THINGS I WISH I COULD YELL AT MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER.'

People are annoying. The people you love? Especially so.

You know when you just hate your partner? Not hate-hate them. But, you know, find them really really unbearably annoying.

It’s probably something small they do, some tiny niggly habit they have. You try and put it out of your mind but you can’t. So you stew over it. For hours. Until it becomes of big glob of irrational fury you just want to hurl in their face.

Often the rage will stem entirely from your own lunacy (I’m kidding you’re partner is obviously to blame, they are clearly intolerable) and you definitely shouldn’t say it out loud lest they discover how truly insane you are and leave you (they won’t, you are a fantastic goddess).

BUT you do need to get it all out SOMEHOW and we’ve just discovered a fun new way to do it.

It’s a game called ‘Things I wish I could yell at my significant other’. It’s played pretty much how you imagine it might be.

Let the rage-typing begin…

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING SO SLOWLY??! LIKE HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO GET DRESSED, YOU LITERALLY WEAR THE SAME THING EVERY DAY?!

NO. WE CAN NOT HAVE SEX. I WENT THE BED THREE HOURS AGO.  YOU WERE WATCHING ANIME THAT WHOLE TIME I WAS HERE AND READY TO GO. BUT NO. YOU DECIDED TO SPEND YOUR TIME WITH BUSTY JAPANESE ANIMATED CARTOONS.

WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT THE FEELINGS OF ANIMALS BUT HAVE ZERO EMPATHY FOR HUMAN BEINGS YOU STUPID VEGAN IDIOT.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO POO EIGHT TIMES A DAY. THAT IS NOT HEALTHY. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. STOP DRINKING SO MANY PROTEIN SHAKES, YOU FREAK.

Why can you not get through one lunch date without checking how many ‘favourites’ your last ~hilarious~ Tweet received? Do you really think Twitter can’t survive without you for ONE hour???


WHY DO YOU TAKE SO LONG TO COOK DINNER, I KNOW YOU ENJOY THE PROCESS BUT IT DOESN’T TAKE AN HOUR TO MAKE PESTO PASTA AND I AM REALLY HUNGRY.

Why do you wait until I am FINISHED getting ready before you start getting ready?!

Why did you lecture me about not being Christian, trying to convert me, telling me I should believe in The Lord and put my faith in trust in him every 2 days when you cheated on me the entire 6 years we were together?

Why did you tell me we should abstain from sex (because you are religious) when you had one stands every time you are out of town for a gig?

How much can you REALLY talk about football? I mean you go to the football on Friday night, Saturday all day, watch it Saturday night, all day Sunday, and then you play fantasy football and go to footy tipping at the pub on Thursdays. And then you come home and all you talk about/watch/listen to/read is football related. WHY?

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WHY DO YOU THINK YOU GET TO CALL YOURSELF A FEMINIST WHEN YOU ARE LITERALLY TELLING ME YOU ARE BETTER AT FEMINISM THAN ME AND YOU ARE A WHITE MAN LIKE WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE I AM GOING TO HIT YOU.

JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT MONEY DOESN’T MEAN I’M NOT ALLOWED TO. YOU OWE ME $230

WHY HAVE YOU ONLY COOKED DINNER ONCE IN THE TWO YEARS WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER LIKE WHAT EVEN IS THAT STOP PRETENDING YOU CAN’T COOK I’VE SEEN YOU

WHY DO YOU SULK FOR 2 DAYS WHEN I DECLINE TO GIVE YOU A BJ

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TRY ON CLOTHES 3 TIMES IN 1 VISIT TO A STORE AND THEN NOT EVEN BUY IT?!!

SERIOUSLY, IT IS OKAY TO BE AN ADULT WHO LIKES HARRY POTTER. YOU ARE NOT INTELLECTUALLY SUPERIOR FOR NOT LIKING HARRY POTTER.

WHY DO YOU SAY YOU’RE ON THE WAY HOME FROM WORK WHEN REALLY YOU’RE JUST VAGUELY CONSIDERING LEAVING SOON AND YOU DEFINITELY WONT BE HOME FOR TWO HOURS

WHY WHY WHY CAN’T YOU PUT ON A LOAD OF WASHING WITHOUT BEING ASKED? I’M YOUR WIFE, NOT YOUR HOUSEKEEPER.

YOUR BROWN LEATHER COUCH IS REALLY UGLY AND I WANT TO BURN IT A LITTLE BIT.

STOP CHECKING YOUR PHONE WHEN WE’RE AT A CAFE/RESTAURANT/FAMILY MEMBERS HOUSE. JUST STOP IT. I SEE YOU. AND IT’S VERY RUDE.

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HELP YOUR USELESS YOUNGER BROTHER WITH SHIT HE CAN DO HIMSELF, BECAUSE IF YOU HADN’T NOTICED HE IS NOT A CHILD ANY MORE.

YES MY DAD IS TALKING TO YOU PLEASE FOR GODS SAKE GET OFF YOUR PHONE

MAKING MI GORENG NOODLES IS NOT COOKING!

DON’T WHINE, “DO I HAVE TO?” WHEN I ASK YOU TO EMPTY THE DISHWASHER? YOU ARE A GROWN UP. NOT FOUR.

WHY CAN’T YOU MAKE DINNER ALL ON YOUR OWN? EVEN WHEN YOU DEIGN TO COOK A FUCKING HAMBURGER I STILL HAVE TO CUT THE FREAKIN’ TOMATO UP.

So, anything you want to get off your chest?

Want more like this? Try these:

OPINION: “Marriage is f**king hard work.” – Em

“How Alanis Morissette helped me end an abusive relationship.”

The reviews of the new Fifty Shades of Grey book are in… and they’re hilarious.

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