Welcome to the White Diet.
It’s the food revolution that’s sweeping the globe, as more and more toddlers embrace the fussy-eating philosophy that has inexplicably sustained human life for thousands of years.
From baby cavemen to modern toddlers, this unhealthy form of eating has never been more popular.
If you haven’t already heard about the White Food Diet, here is everything you need to know.
The White Food diet is an ancient set of dietary recommendations for young homosapiens. Tiny humans have thrived for millennia by wilfully restricting their diet to a small selection of nutrient-deficient “white” foods, whilst strenuously avoiding “coloured” food at all costs.
White foods are low in nutrition and high in salt, sugar, fat and refined carbohydrates. The White diet is not about healthy living or weight loss: it’s about eating for baseline survival.
There is little scientific data to support the evolutionary benefits of restricting nutritional intake at times of peak development, but the results speak for themselves. Millions of irate toddlers can’t be wrong.
What will my toddler eat on the White Food diet?
The list of approved foods for the White diet is short and strictly policed.
Key components of the white-food diet include: plain pasta, noodles, rice crackers, hot chips, chicken nuggets, bread, yoghurt, rice and sugar.
Whilst some of these items don’t look white, there is good reason for that. Deep frying is the preferred method of preparation for the white-food diet. Despite giving food a distinctive golden glow the base ingredients are still considered “white” for the purposes of this dietary regime.
Can my toddler eat things that aren’t white?
Advocates of this eating regime are fanatical and vocal about their dietary choices, and are always keen to engage in arguments about food. White-food toddlers are often sanctimonious about their eating habits and dismissive of coloured-foods, believing them to be harmful and unsavoury.
There is one exception: tomato sauce.
Whilst not strictly a “white” food it does contain unacceptably high levels of sugar and salt (both white), which makes it acceptable to toddlers on the White diet.
Is White Food a fad diet?