When my daughter was about 6 weeks old, we had a wedding to attend. Being my third baby, I should have anticipated the whole feeding situation but for some reason, I was just so god-damn excited to wear something that wasn’t stretchy pants I forgot all about how I was actually going to nourish my child.
So there I was in tight-ish (well, tight for six weeks post natal) navy blue silk dress, a screaming newborn and no easy access to the milk bar.
How the hell was I going to do this? I found a secluded spot around the back of a building. With no option to be discreet, I had to whip the dress off, lay it flat on the ground next to me and attempt to feed my child with one boob pulled out of a strapless bra and in a very sexy pair of rib to knee nude coloured spanx. It would have all been okay had I not unknowingly chosen the balcony of the on-site accomodation to feed on. The look on the man’s face who opened his door to find me, like a rabbit in the headlights, on the porch said more than any words could.
So ladies, to prevent any of you from experiencing the true awkwardness that is a public spanx showing, I’ve complied the essential wardrobe for any feeding mum.