wellness

A newspaper profiled four people's 'wellness habits' and we're so... confused.

It’s 2019 and people take wellness very seriously.

It’s no longer just your two servings of fruit and five of vege, washed down with eight-ish glasses of water, and an occasional sweat session at the gym.

It seems like if you’re not blocking magnetic and radioactive juju with a Himalayan salt lamp or grounding yourself to the earth with your bare feet, you’re not… well.

So, when The Times profiled the wellness habits of four people – who take their health very seriously – things got a lil’ bit… weird.

Especially when it came to a man named Tim Gray, who’s the founder of a hyperbaric oxygen treatment centre.

Some of Tim’s tips included:

– Measure your urine pH, weight, REM sleep and activity levels in a spreadsheet. Make this a daily task.

– Use a ‘HumanCharger’ for increased energy and mental alertness.

– Like Gray, do more fist bumping. He fist bumps every member of his 15-person team when he arrives in the office. He says it’s also his go-to morning greeting for his building concierge, and it’s something he’s done daily for the past four years.

– Only watching “half an episode” of a Breaking Bad-type drama at a time, because in his words, “I feel that, as we only live once, you’ve got to make the most of things and not waste your life in front of the TV”.

– Utilise the help of hyperbaric oxygen therapy (this can cost up to $100 per session) followed by an intravenous magnesium and amino acids drip.

In short, just be a real-life Chris Traeger from Parks and Recreation, but without the irony or sarcasm.

via GIPHY

Twitter, of course, loved it:

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In particular, people took offence to the step about the Human Charger, which FYI is not your bed, but an iPod looking device which shines a LED light into your ear canal and apparently into the photosensitive parts of your brain. The benefits of which include increased energy levels, improved mood, increased mental alertness, recovery from jet lag and immediate childlike levels of naivete.

It’s not available in Australia (as of yet), but perhaps you can ask a friend who’s stopping by America, Canada, the UK, or anywhere else in the continental Europe to pick one up for you for about $200. Or… not.

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People also just spotted a few factual inaccuracies which were just… confusing.

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However, the main consensus was that it can’t be this hard to be healthy, and what happened to just eating your vegetables and occasionally doing a yoga class?

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What are your thoughts on these extreme ‘wellness fads’? Each to their own, or just a bit silly? Tell us in a comment below, we won’t judge, promise.

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