The 8 things your Facebook friends don’t want to see.

Facebook.

Such a great way to stay up to date with friends. Such a wonderful way to procrastinate. Such an easy tool to piss people off in the privacy of their own homes.

While it’s true there are few rules to follow when it comes to Facebook updates, there are some things guaranteed to annoy the crap out of people.

1. Rashes

I don’t care if the rash belongs to you, or one of your children. Seeing a close up picture of a pus-filled, inflamed rash is not what I want accompanying my morning coffee.

Perhaps post it in an online mothers group if you really feel the need (but do it in a comment as a courtesy to other rash haters) or better yet, make an appointment with one of those amazing individuals called 'Doctors'. Guaranteed to give you a more qualified opinion than Facebook friends.

Spiders

Scrolling through Facey and BAM here’s a picture of the spider hanging out on someone’s wall.

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Maybe you’re cool with spiders, maybe you’re hoping someone can assist with identification before you try and take the sucker down. Whatever your reason for posting a picture of the eight legged kind, consider that some of us (me, over here) have a legitimate fear of the crawling devils. Like, full blown, panic attack type shit and if we’re not prepared for that kind of visual assault, it can be very traumatic.

3. Grotesque injuries

Oh man, you’ve done yourself a serious injury. Broken a bone, cut open your leg so deep that you can make out a bit of bone? I’m sorry to hear, I’ll probably drop over a casserole to help out until you’re felling better but I just don’t need to see the evidence on my Facebook feed, okay?

Nurses and Doctors have years of training and experience to assist them in desensitising to graphic blood and gore. Your Facebook friends don’t.

4. Passive aggressive updates and attention seeking

Emotional whining, it’s a cheap ploy for attention.

It will usually go like this; Passive aggressive update, followed by a comment about how they “don’t want to talk about it.” Uh, if you don’t want to talk about it, why post it on a public forum?

In a similar theme are passive aggressive quotes and song lyrics, all aimed as gaining a response. All result in you being irritating as hell.

5. Poorly researched/completely false medical research articles

OMG! Have you seen, they’ve worked out that vaccinations can cause blindness/autism/social problems/three legs. You haven’t? That’s cause it’s not true!

If it was legitimate research, do you not think it would make it past the pages of Facebook and on to an actual news site?

What Penn & Teller's take on vaccination. Post continues after video...

Please, refrain posting links to false medical research. There are idiots out there who might just believe it.

6. Profound/funny quotes passed off as your own musings

If you see a humorous quote, or something profound that speaks to you, by all means repost it.

People might like it, comment on it, and maybe even repost to their own walls. But don’t write it as a status update giving the illusion that the exact words from a comedian's sketch came from your own head space.

It’s highly likely that you are not the only person who has seen the joke/meme/inspirational poster (there’s a thing called the Internet which means a lot of us are exposed to the same funnies) and attempting to pass it off as your own thigh-slapper will only leave you looking like a douche bag.

8. Birth pics

Whenever I know a friend of mine is close to giving birth, I’m stalking their Facebook like no one’s business. There’s nothing quite like fresh baby goodness. However, when I say ‘fresh’ I mean wrapped up in a hospital issued blanket, or snuggling skin on skin with Mumma. I do NOT need to see the grand entrance, if you know what I mean. [EDITOR'S NOTE: I do - post away!]

Let’s all remember that there are some private moments that should remain so.

9. 7000 pictures of the same thing

I love seeing pictures of my friends kids at the park but I don’t need a flip-book style run through where every movement has been captured. A couple of pictures letting your friends know you’ve had a great time- yes! Forty pictures of the swing in action- no.

What do you find annoying when it comes to Facebook friends?

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