They’ve had enough.
You know how when you start a new job, or buy a vacuum cleaner, or book a holiday, you often get given a document of some sort? A guide, a manual, an itinerary? Yes, well, we need one for twins.
On behalf of the twins of the world, we are taking a stand. We no longer have time for your questions. We do not wish to entertain your curiosities any longer. We have things to do, places to see and twin magic to conduct.
So in the name of efficiency, we are going to address all of your twin questions/concerns/comments in order to satisfy your inquisitiveness.
Next time you see a twin, and that familiar urge to harass them begins to surface, all you’ll need to do is take three deep breaths and consult this list until the urge passes.
Questions you need to stop asking twins.
“If I punch you, can the other one feel it?” (Proceeds to punch one of us)
Do not do this. You have literally just physically assaulted someone for being a twin. That just isn’t a thing.
If you’ve done this to a set of twins, they most definitely talked about you when you walked away. You will never be the first person to ask if they can feel each other’s pain. Not even if they are newborns. Not even if they’re still on their way out of the womb. Someone, somewhere, has asked that question before you.
The whole ‘feeling each other’s pain’ thing is a phenomenon that has been recorded in identical twins. It’s usually to do with morning sickness or appendicitis. Not punching. Google it.
And stop punching us.
“Are you telepathic?”
We knew you were going to ask that.
But in all seriousness, yes, yes we are all telepathic. You know what my twin is thinking right now? That you’re an idiot.
“Which one is the evil twin?”
In our experience, this is only ever asked by someone creepy, who is definitely going to try and sleep with the one who says ‘I am!’. They then ask it four times throughout the course of one night, because
a) They think it’s funny
b) They’re drunk.
We don’t like it and we’ve put a curse on you, because we’re both evil (#PlotTwist).
“If you’re twins, then why is one of you taller?”
Eugh, good point. We’ve been sprung – you’ve caught us out! We’re not actually twins, we’ve been lying the whole time because we enjoy the questions so much.
Phoar, okay, here it is:
There are two types of twins; identical and fraternal. Identical twins have identical DNA, because they come from one egg that split. See, it’s easy to remember because of the word ‘identical’.
Fraternal twins come from two separate eggs. Therefore, their genetics are not any more similar than that of normal siblings. So fraternal twins can be different heights, have different coloured hair, different skin tones, and can even be two different sexes. Which brings us to:
Asking a set of boy/girl twins, “So, are you identical??”
It’s biologically impossible. Let’s agree never to speak of this again.