NOTE: This post deals with pregnancy loss and may be confronting for some readers.
I’m Sam, mum to my sunshine girl Georgie who’s nearly four-years old and our latest addition Johnny who’s six months. I fell pregnant easily with Georgie and had an easy pregnancy and two years of fun with her.
Then we started to talk about baby number two and I fell pregnant straight away again, immediately telling Georgie she was going to be a big sister! At eight weeks (with my daughter by my side), I heard those awful words at the scan, ‘I’m sorry there is no heartbeat.’
Our baby had stopped growing at seven weeks and four days. A D&C followed as did a whole realm of emotions I’d never felt before. I was blindsided by how much this loss affected me, and I’m pretty sure I’m forever changed because of it.
Three months later I fell pregnant again. I was understandably nervous and didn’t connect to the pregnancy in the same way. At eight weeks while on holiday with friends, I started to bleed but kept it to myself for two days, praying all would be OK. I didn’t even tell my husband, because I didn’t want to ruin his or anyone else’s holiday.
When we arrived home, I went for a scan only to hear for a second time that there was no heartbeat. I couldn’t get in for a D&C for several days and ended up miscarrying at home, passing the ‘tissue’, alone and terrified. I have never felt so isolated… or so devastated.
Following that second loss, I had to fight with my healthcare team for testing. There was no way I wanted to go through a third miscarriage, just to tick a box so they’d agree to test me. As it turned out, I was ‘lucky’ and I was given a diagnosis - MTHFR, basically faulty genes.