I always knew he wasn’t the perfect husband. There was too much lying for that.
But I never could have imagined the person he would become, and the way he would kick his own family and kids to the kerb, as if we are no more important than a piece of dirt.
After 27 years of marriage, I never could’ve imagined I would have to end my marriage after my husband’s messages to his sex workers accidentally ended up on my daughter’s phone.
Nearly three decades of marriage, two teenage daughters, and this is how it ended: My daughter running to me as I sat in the living room of our home, her phone in hand, her face bracing for the worst. I knew what they were straight away.
“Hi girls, I saw your pics, I love them. Do you want me to buy you a drink? I’ll buy you a drink. I am waiting at the bar.”
There were directions to the house, inferences of nights together. My husband’s messages to sex workers had landed on my 14-year-old’s phone, and I decided enough was enough. My marriage was over and I was leaving him. Little did I know this would be the easiest part of the next seven months. I left him in March this year, and my life hasn’t been the same since.
My husband wasn’t always the cheating narcissist he is today.
When we married, he didn’t want children and it took me 10 years to twist his arm and convince him it was a good idea. Up until we had kids, he was pretty good. When we had kids, he started to lie and cheat and lie and cheat.
He was always very controlling after that. If ever I said, ‘Why is this happening?’ Or, ‘This looks unusual?’ he would go mental. At one point, he sent me to a psychologist saying I had mental problems. But that’s what narcissists do, I guess. They make you feel crazy and then they tell you you’re the only one for them.
The first sign I realised something really wasn’t right was a year or so ago, when my daughter was going through a teenage phase and met a bad kind of guy. I found some software that showed all the messages that were deleted off someone’s phone. I told him about it, and joked that I should put it on his phone too.
The next morning, he went out to get the paper and came back and said he lost his phone. He even made me drive to the shops to look for it. But it wasn’t lost, I would later find out. He had just hidden it.
After I found the messages on my daughter’s phone from the sex workers and told him I was leaving, that’s when it started to get really bad.