Bring back the good old Christmas card.
Nothing says ‘I still have your address’ better than a Christmas Card. And I’m not talking the tightwad cop-out option known as an ‘E-Card’. When one of those pops in, I don’t even bother clicking the link, I just press ‘DELETE’.
You see, if you couldn’t be bothered to lick a stamp on my behalf I’m not easing your annual ‘I forgot to send Christmas Card guilt’ by acknowledging the receipt of your trite greeting. I don’t care if it is an animated elf with tinsel on his penis hoping ‘I find something nice under the tree this year’, I want to find something tangible in my box.
I want a card with your writing on it telling me that you can’t believe another year has gone, how old the kids are, who has teeth, who hasn’t, who can go to the toilet by themselves, who keeps missing the bowl in the night.
And don’t for an instant think you can include one of those nauseating group letters gloating about your year of triumph. ‘This year Mary graduated with first class honours in engineering, Doug got a wonderful promotion and I was absolutely flat out with the architect with the renovations’.
I want you to tell me something in writing. Your writing. And don’t just include your successes, throw in a few failures as well. ‘Well Mary got first class honours, but no wonder, the girl rang us for money every bloody week. As for Doug, I never see him. Did I tell you he sleeps in the other room now? He says its because he worries I’ll wake from his snoring. But I can’t help thinking his heart is elsewhere…Sure he’s bringing in more money, which I’m spending on the reno – but it’s just to fill in all that lonely time…and the architect is very handsome…’