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Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 3: The wedding that wasn't.

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June is still shellshocked about that whole 'being taunted by footage of her kidnapped, imprisoned daughter on every news network in the world' thing.

Fair enough.

June wants to contact Nick for more details, but Tuello is out of the country and for some reason, he is the only man working for the American government. No other employees exist, you see.

Instead, Moira offers another option... rebels, at the border.

OH S**T.

LET'S GOOOO.

They meet Lily, who was one of the women swapped for Fred in the prisoner exchange.

"I was lucky," June says of all the women and children she helped escape.

"Women always say that when they've done something extraordinary," Lily replies and OHHH I LIKE HER A LOT.

In Gilead, Serena and Tuello are tending to floral arrangements and pretending they don't have – and trust me, I feel sick saying this – chemistry.

June, Moira and Lily arrive at the border site, where there are lots of, as Moira would say, traumatised refugees... with guns. 

FYI: An upside down flag is a symbol of distress. Image: SBS.

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Inside a cabin, they have photos of the people they have helped escape Gilead. And those who died in the process.

"Everyone in Mayday knows the stakes," Lily says.

MAYDAY ACTUALLY EXISTS.

Joseph calls Serena and Tuello a dynamic duo and NO. They are not MY dynamic duo. MY dynamic duo is JOSEPH AND NICK WITH THE GOOD EYEBROWS.

Serena meets with the MacKenzies, a.k.a the ones holding Hannah imprisoned and hostage, and the MacKenzies KNOW JUNE KILLED FRED.

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Suss.

Nick, his eyebrows and his wife arrive, and this dinner party will be excruciating. Tuello, sitting outside in the freezing cold, takes the win.

At the hospital, Aunt Lydia does her best to aid Esther's recovery with an almighty slap across the face.

Meanwhile, she breaks down and tells God Janine does not deserve this.

SHE ALSO DIDN'T DESERVE BEING KEPT AS A SLAVE AND HAVING HER EYE GOUGED OUT AND BEING TORTURED AND HAVING HER DAUGHTER RIPPED AWAY FROM HER BUT SURE, LYDIA. SURE. YOU CAN TRY BEING A BETTER EVIL STEPMOTHER.

This episode is clearly a set-up ep, but it's saved from feeling entirely like filler thanks to this Ann Dowd performance. I... almost feel bad for her weeping, begging, remorseful Aunt Lydia. Now THAT'S talent.

Image: SBS.

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Oh my god. At the world's worst dinner party, the topic of conversation has turned to... June.

Naturally. The most exciting thing happening in this hellhole is the woman determined to burn it all down.

The MacKenzie's are basically just like, "we need to kill the b*tch".

Joseph, Nick and his eyebrows are not stoked about it.

Outside, Tuello has not yet developed hypothermia. He and Nick have a wee chinwag, which is broken up fairly quickly by a suspicious Commander MacKenzie.

This man is terrifying.

Inside, Serena... basically proposes to Joseph.

What in the everloving f**k.

She seems to be so confident in the idea that she tells Tuello the engagement is as good as done, and she's going to stay in Gilead, thank you kind sir!

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Image: SBS.

THEIR CHEMISTRY IS OFF THE CHARTS AND I HATE IT.

Mrs Putnam brings Angela Charlotte to the hospital at Aunt Lydia's request. Those discontented, rebellious vibes I was getting from Naomi in episode two are back! She promises a comatose Janine that no matter what, she'll honour her memory. She wouldn't have to if she didn't steal the child... but look, tiny progress!

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Someone's pulled some damn strings and got through to Nick on the s**tty satellite phone across the border.

He's got a couple of important things to tell June:

  • The purple Hannah wore at the wedding means she's in 'wife school' 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
  • He's married!
  • June would like Rose
  • MacKenzie is powerful, so she needs to chill the hell out so she doesn't get killed (lol as if)

They won't be able to talk again for a while, so June tells Nick to be happy.

This scene has big 'The One That Got Away' by Katy Perry energy. Image: SBS.

A small interlude to say: JANINE IS AWAKE.

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If we could get more than two seconds with her next week, that'd be great.

Joseph is also awake, and he's woken to a big ol' bout of morning regret. Serena's ridiculous wedding plans come crashing down around her.

This storyline is sooooo funny to me. Imagine JOSEPH and SERENA married. It would be the most uncomfortable union in this land made up entirely of uncomfortable unions.

Instead, the Commanders banish her back to Canada under the guise of a cushy, unofficial PR job. She demands a budget, security and a staff, and they're like... sure if that will make you go away, you "UNUSUAL WOMAN"!

To be fair, they'd call me things A LOT worse than 'unusual woman'. Image: SBS.

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She boards his plane and Tuello does his best, most satisfying 'I told you so'.

In Canada, June and Moira reckon with being back at square one. Hannah's in danger, and they're stuck in another country with no way to help her.

Lily informs June that Serena's arrived back, so we're absolutely about to get another switch from despondent mourning June to vengeful 'I will destroy your ass' June.

Here for it!

Serena is escorted back to the detention centre and is once again followed by a crowd of supporters.

F**k, and I cannot stress this enough, these people.

There's a car blocking the way and then HOLY JUMP SCARE IT'S JUNE GODDAMN OSBOURNE.

AT THE WINDOW OF SERENA'S CAR.

SCREAMING.

The FEAR in her eyes. I'm thriving. Image: SBS.

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"Never touch my daughter again," June yells.

Serena is QUAKING IN HER UGLY WIFE BOOTS.

Her Gilead dreams are dead, she's back in Canada, and she's got an enemy staring her straight in the face.

Let the games begin!

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Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer and co-host of The Spill. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature image: SBS/Mamamia.

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