'The issue with being the "fun" friend that no one wants to acknowledge.'

I've always prided myself on how many close friends I have. 

I define my close friends as the people in my life who know everything about me. My best friends. I love them all equally and I tell them every single thing that's going on in my life.

It wasn't until I had dinner with one of them that I realised, this friendship isn't a straight two-way street. It was more of a detour after an unexpected roadblock.

I came back from that dinner and realised that my friend knew everything about my life but I had only gotten a small snippet of hers. I felt like we just had a bad first date and I was the one who made it boring with my long stories and spiels. 

The only thing she wanted to talk about was... me. Every time I asked about her or her life, she'd give me a few words along the lines of "work's been busy", "my partner and I are going away to Europe in a few months", or "I went to this restaurant the other day, you'd love it." It felt like she was grey-rocking me.

Because I thought I had done something wrong, I called her a few days later to check in. I told her that I felt like I unloaded all of my issues onto her and I didn't give her a chance to do the same. 

She told me that wasn't the case at all. She said she loved listening to my stories about my life and it gave her an escapism from hers, as we're in such different life stages... For reference, she's newly engaged and I'm single.

She said that she doesn't feel the need to unload all her problems onto me because that's her partner's job and she doesn't want to be a burden.

Watch: Horoscopes & breakups. Post continues below.

Video via Mamamia.

Our talk was very light-hearted and our friendship is unwavering, but I can't stop thinking about that conversation. A part of me felt sad. I don't see any of my friends who tell me about their lives (good or bad) as a burden — I would die if that's what they thought of me.

What also made me sad was that there was a time in our life when that same friend would unload all her issues onto me; it was my job.

This change in friendship dynamic is something I've experienced before.

My friends stop telling me the things that are happening in their lives when I've stopped being their person.

When you're single, you usually have one person that becomes yours. They're the person you tell everything to whether it be complaining about your new roommates, how you don't want to have to go to your parents' house for dinner that night, your dating life, your plan on how to get a promotion at work, etc. They're the first person you call or text when you have big news, like when you finally do get that promotion, when you have a new work crush, when you hurt your ankle on your hot-girl walk.

They're also the friend that you know you can call at any time of day and they'll be there for you. 

When you get into a relationship, your partner becomes that person. As they should be. It's what everyone does.


But what happens to your friend? 

As someone who has experience in being someone else's "person" before they get a partner, I can tell you that we feel that little drop when we move down a level in your pyramid.

Your partner might be your new person, but you're still my person.

I've come to realise that when my friends find their new person, I take on a different role in their life. I become their "fun" friend. I'm the friend they love to hear everything from but now in small doses; the friend that reminds them of "the good ol' days," the friend they know they'll feel a surge of energy and happiness after catching up with them. 

I'm beyond grateful that they still want to be there for me, I just wish I could do the same for them.

I don't want to be the fun friend, I want to be the full friend. I want you to call me the minute after you run into your ex-boss, I want you to immediately think of me when you get a plus-one to a party, I want you to message me asking, "What do you want to do for your birthday?" Because you used to do all those things and I still do all those things for you.

Being someone's full friend is a privilege and honour, and is one of my many personal life achievements.

If you used to have a full friend who has been bumped off the leaderboard since getting into a relationship, the next time you have news or a life update, no matter how small it is, tell them before your "person." It'll mean so much to them.

If you want more culture opinions by Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem. 

Feature image: Supplied.

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